'AITA for giving my daughter contraceptives behind my wife's back?'
"AITAH for giving my daughter contraceptives behind my wife's back?"
My (43M) daughter (15F) started dating a boy (15M) she likes. He is a sweet boy. My wife (43F) and I like to keep our kids feeling safe enough to tell us anything. It is harder for them to tell her stuff, so sometimes I compensate for that.
One day, my wife was coming home late. My daughter came to my room and asked if she could talk to me about something. I could tell she was nervous and embarrassed. She told me that she wanted to do something with her bf but she doesn't want to get pregnant. And that she doesn't know how to start things.
We had a long conversation about this. We talked about everything regarding [redacted] activity. And I'm glad I did because I realised how little she knew about some stuff. She didn't realise that boys can be uncomfortable too, how consent is very very important, she didn't know much about
safe days, hygiene, how being mature about it affects things, etc.
I gave my daughter condoms, advised her to buy others if these weren't right, and told her to stay careful and safe. She smiled and thanked me.
That night, I was talking with my wife when I mentioned our conversation. She was confused and said that she felt this conversation was very inappropriate. We argued for a while, but I didn't want to keep on arguing so I joked about how we are short of condoms so maybe we will have a baby.
She was confused, then she realised that I had given some condoms to our girl. She was mad at me for giving her condoms and the green light to have [redacted] without asking her. I felt like I was wrong for not asking her so I apologised. AITAH?
Info: About my wife, she isn't a bad parent. She's actually a very nice person. Communication with kids isn't one of her strong points. She sometimes loses her patience or get hard on things but she's trying her best.
She felt it was an inappropriate conversation because it was impossible to have these types of conversation with her (and my) parents (hers were a bit tougher), [redacte] was taboo. Just like many parents she felt weird about our daughter being [redacted] active.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
disco_has_been writes:
WTF, "safe days"? No such thing and you're an AH for that. If you want to be Dad of the Year, take her to PP or a gyno where she has a better chance of being educated. You ain't it! I think YTA because you don't know what you're talking about.
Flashy_Throwaway0 OP responded:
Yeah, my info about the safe days were wrong and unfit. Many people pointed this out. We're planing to go to a gynecologist soon. Thanks for your advice.
oknowwhat00 writes:
Sounds like the daughter needs some serious education, whether it's from mom, dad, a doctor, book etc. She sounds naive and this is a recipe for disaster. Mom and dad need to give her some knowledge and stop worrying about who started the conversation.
Flashy_Throwaway0 OP responded:
Yeah, some comments pointed that this conversation should've taken place before. We were late to have this conversation.
VladBlosen writes:
Not the asshole and still willing to learn more, wow. Awesome dad, for sure.
Flashy_Throwaway0 OP responded:
TY :D
mikefnd writes:
You enjoy playing "the good cop" and making your wife set the hard rules. Of course your daughter came to you for approval of what she wants to do but ought not to. 15 years is way to young for this. Time to stop being a friend and start being a father. You blew it. You're the a^%hole.
Flashy_Throwaway0 OP responded:
I would never intentionally make my wife look bad to my kids or use that to make them come to me instead.
Wise-Artichoke-8582 writes:
YTA gotta loop in your wife for big changes like that wtf.
HarveySnake writes:
When a kid wants to have [redacted], they’re going to have [redacted] The only real questions are will they use protection and have [redacted] in a safe place. You have at least given her the tools to have [redacted] safely. Your should also take her to her gynecologist to get a prescription for birth control pills.
Many parents are uncomfortable with their kids growing up and doing more mature things but the reality is that it’s inevitable and your best course of action is to educate and guide You’re doing it right. NTA