Dad let's daughter keep roses son is allergic to; says, 'they should work it out.' UPDATED.
'AITA for keeping my daughter's rose garden in the living room despite my son's allergies?'
My (45F) daughter Felice (19F) absolutely loves flowers and has always wanted her own garden. Our complex doesn't allow outdoor gardens, so I surprised her by buying a nice indoor miniature rose kit for her birthday.
She spent a great deal of time and effort into prepping the environment and cultivating them until they reached full bloom. They're super pretty, and every time we have visitors someone compliments her on them.
However, I noticed my son Matthew seemed to be coming down with something. At first I just figured he had a cold but it lasted way too long for that. I also noticed he'd do just about anything to avoid the living room, even to the point of skipping meals rather than sit in the dining room (which is directly adjacent to the living room).
I finally asked him what he thinks he's doing, and he admitted he thinks he's probably allergic to Felice's roses.
I told Felice about Matthew's allergies but she pointed out that roses are typically hypoallergenic and maybe it's something else in the house he's allergic to (I didn't think it was likely, though; literally the only potential allergen are the roses).
I brought up the idea that we might have to move the roses, but she can't think of anywhere else they can go, and neither can I. Our house is fairly small and all the rooms are close together. So I told her to just consider Matthew's allergies and left it that.
Last night Matthew asked me if I could please move the roses somewhere else. I told him I could sympathize with his situation but he'd have to ask Felice, as I wasn't willing to just axe all her hard work. He told me he had asked her but she refused. I told him there was nothing else I could do.
Matthew got angry and said I was taking Felice's side “like I always do.” I told him I wasn't on anybody's side, they just had to work this one out for themselves. I offered to buy him some more anti-histamines but he just walked out cursing and has been in a bad mood towards me ever since.
Right now I need some outside opinions: AITA for not caving in and moving Felice's garden? Most likely i'd have had to remove it entirely and I would've felt horrible knowing how hard she worked and how proud she is of it.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
It is absolutely abuse. As a mandated reporter, I'd call CPS on anyone forcing their child to live in a house with a known, easily removed allergen. OP is disgusting.
You can't possibly have typed all that out and not realise that you are completely and utterly the ah.
YTA medical conditions are more important that pretty flower for f%$ks sake. just admit your daughter is your favorite
Stlhockeygrl writes:
Yta - you're giving your son unnecessary medication because your daughter refuses to compromise. The roses can go in your daughter's room and she can make space for it by getting rid of her other stuff.
Outrageously_Penguin writes:
YTA. Your adult daughter should be capable of understanding that her roses are not more important than her brother’s health. If she doesn’t, then you’ve raised her to be spoiled, entitled and self absorbed. Now is the time to stop.
If there’s nowhere else the roses can go in the house that don’t trigger his allergies, she can sell them or gift them to someone. You’re 19 years late in starting to be a parent, so get on it.
Update from OP:
I've arranged to have my sister buy the roses. This way, my girl gets compensated for her hard work, the roses aren't destroyed, and my son can get some relief. I'm going to have some cleaners over so the house is purified, so to speak, 'til then I'll have my son stay at my mom's.
This thread is wild, I don't know what else to say. Call CPS? I'm a POS and a lady part? And I thought there was a civility rule, lol. That said, you gotta have thick skin if you're gonna post here, and it did kind of snap me out of being uncertain and now I've got a great solution. Thanks, I guess?