Man wants to play video games to 'decompress'; wife calls him 'absent' father. UPDATED

"AITA for wanting to play video games for 30 minutes to an hour every day when I get home from work?"

So I (37m) work as a service manager for a high volume dealer and am out of the house for 12 hours a day (leave at 6 am and don’t get home until 6pm) 5 days a week. My wife (33f) gets upset when I get home and after eating dinner want to get a couple of rounds of Call Of Duty in.

My wife is a SAHM with our 18 month old and thinks it’s absolutely criminal that I want to get some decompress time at the end of the day. My daughter is still in the mommy all the time phase so she prefers to spend more time with my wife than I.

Usually when I get home I will eat dinner, do whatever honey-do’s she has for me, and then play for a little. After I’m done I will join them and spend time with my family which usually is her watching a movie/show and I reading the same book to my daughter 10 times lol.

My wife says that even when I’m chilling with them I spend too much time on my phone. While we are all hanging out if my daughter is asking for my attention I will stop what I’m doing and do whatever she’s asking me to do.

Whenever she wants to go back to mommy I will browse Twitter or Reddit since I usually have absolutely zero interest in what she is watching. She accuses me of being absent/not present since I don’t focus all my free time on her and the baby. Also side note she is currently 20 weeks pregnant. So AITA?

Edit: I get up at 5am and usually fall asleep by 930-10pm. My wife and daughter nap through the day so when I’m sleeping they are usually awake for another hour or two.

Here's what people had to say:

gillybear29234_ says:

Im a sahm and my husband is military. So he can work 12 hour days too. We find that he use to do what you did too. On his phone all the time when he came home to decompress from work. I complained so much like your wife did.

So we made a deal, he'd get 30 mins after work in our room to decompress and do what he needs to do to get off 'work mode' and get into 'dad mode.' He spends less time on his phone and more time present because he has that time in-between to basically flip modes. I'd suggest giving that a try with your wife!

I'd like to say N T A but honestly YTA because compromise is key when married and having kids. And finding that time for yourself is super hard but you can 100% do it! Good luck!

yoledo OP responded:

I appreciate insight that sounds like a reasonable compromise

Hans09 says:

Allow me to share my experience: I made the same mistakes you are (hopefully WERE) doing. I always wanted to decompress after my stressful work time. I just wanted to play something, and let my mind clean up a bit.

My son is 13 now, and I'm divorced for 12 years now. ... I did not learn my lesson in time. Sadly, only after the divorce I started trying my best to be there for him, and I cherish with all my heart the time I get to be with him. Be a better man and a better parent than me, OP.

yoledo OP responded:

Man that’s rough. I appreciate you sharing that and will do whatever it takes to avoid that

Lumpy_Machine5538 says:

My husband was like this. We are divorced now. There were definitely other problems that caused our break-up, but this is the reason why he and daughter don’t have much of a relationship.

yoledo OP responded:

Don’t want that at all

Qu33nM4ry says:

Hey, I grew up in a household where my dad wasn’t around very much and he took offense to me wanting to be around my mom more. You know what made that change? My dad being around more. YTA

yoledo OP responded:

Appreciate the context of your response, unfortunately relatable

Myingenioususername says:

As a miserable samh with a gamer husband, YTA. Gaming addiction (not saying you have one but my SO does) is so toxic for families. Resentment builds up quick.

yoledo OP responded:

I think I can definitely make progress on nipping this in the bud

J1--1J says:

From a dad there’s plenty of times for games bro,

yoledo OP responded:

Definitely man, I’ll figure it out and make sure I’m more present

External_Mulberry_86 says:

People are harsh, at least you noticed and ask, things are about to get even harder with a new baby, you guys have time to readjust and help each other

yoledo OP responded:

Yes I know I can do better I honestly just wanted a different perspective

Jake3074 says:

My man took it like a champ and actually is considering making changes…this is a rare post indeed

yoledo OP responded:

Fam comes first, honestly didn’t think I was in the wrong but god damn lol

Update from OP after reading and responding to comments:

yoledo ​​​​​​

It has been confirmed that I am indeed the a**hole. Thanks for all the constructive suggestions y’all. Time to work on adjusting my mindset .