Dad refuse to make things 'equal' between bio daughter and stepdaughter. AITA?
When this man is confused about how to parent his bio daughter and step daughter, he asks Reddit:
"AITA for refusing to making sure things are equal between my daughter and stepdaughter?"
My wife and I each brought a daughter from previous relationships into our marriage. Despite being only a year apart in age, our daughters were completely different and that’s why I’m here.
My daughter has always been athletic and outgoing. Growing up, she played basketball, softball, soccer, volleyball, and even golf. In middle school, she picked up tennis and never looked back.
I paid for her to have private lessons and when she found out how much I was paying for those lessons, she decided that’s what she wants to do as her teenage job. She’s now a junior, is one of the best players on her HS team, and teaching tennis lessons.
She teaches elementary school kids and charges $75 per hour per kid. With her skills and outgoing personality, she has a waiting list of kids and makes about $1,200 a week. She could make more but I limit her hours so that she can concentrate on school.
My stepdaughter is reserved and not very athletic. We always tried to sign her up to the same sport and team with my daughter but she either objected or quit a couple of weeks in.
I get it, sports is not for everyone so I never made her feel bad about it. She recently turned 16 and got a job at a burger place nearby. She’s making $13 an hour and brings home less than $200 a week.
My daughter recently decided that she wants to be independent by buying her clothes and electronics with her own money. Obviously she can afford the latest styles and gadgets. She recently brought herself the top of the line Mac. My stepdaughter is jealous of her sister and have been very vocal about it.
While we were bed last night, my wife said it was unfair one is making so much more than the other. I answered that there’s nothing we can do about it and it’s a good life lesson for the girls.
My wife then suggested we have my daughter use her money to help my stepdaughter buy the same things or we cover the pay difference between the girls. I laughed because I thought she was joking but she wasn’t. We whisper argued for about an hour before we went to sleep.
This morning she brought it up again and accused said I’m refusing because I’m playing favorites and that’s an AH move for a parent. We argued until we had to leave for work. AITA?
Let's see what readers thought.
melodyraine writes:
NTA what is fair is not always what is equal. Your daughter has skills that are in demand and her salary reflects that. Your stepdaughter is starting out on a typical student career path and her salary reflects that.
Forcing your daughter to fund your stepdaughter would be the height of unfairness. Your wife needs to stop trying to turn your home into a crabpot and let her daughter figure out where her own talents lie.
My BIL has a doctorate, with a well-paying job in his field, his wife is in high fashion, and they live a DINK life. They are buying real estate in New York. My husband and I are civil servants with children to raise.
According to your wife's ideas, my BIL should be sending me palimony checks every month to support my children, after all he's my husband's brother! That's not life, and she would do a disservice to her daughter with her bad ideas.
sanguinepsychologist writes:
NTA. You aren’t giving one daughter more than another. Your daughter is getting herself out there, utilising a skill set she’s been developing for a while and reaping the inevitable benefits of her consistent work.
You should be proud of her, and protect her independence at all costs. In life, there is no “fair”. Your daughter doesn’t have to share her hard-earned money just because someone else is jealous of her success. What’s next ? Your daughter gets a boyfriend and has to share that, too ? She gets engaged, and stepdaughter expects a bit of that, too ?
Stepdaughter needs to see a therapist yesterday. It’s understandable to feel “less than” around a successful person, especially of the same age and within a blended family, but those feelings need to be managed properly. Enabling that toxicity like your wife is suggesting would be detrimental to her growth and value as a person.
asleepdimension70 writes:
NTA your wife obviously doesn't like the disparity and does like seeing her daughter feeling unhappy but that is not your daughters fault.
if you a) make your daughter spend her earnings on her step sister you are punishing her for being successful. b) top step daughters earning up to equal or buy equal items for her you are punishing your daughter for being successful.
you would be showing blatant favouritism. step daughter is earning and may need to save up but she can buy what she wants.
maybe ask you daughter to try saving more if her earning for a rainy day but ahe shouldn't be stopped if she works hard.
Unfortunately life isnt fair and many families have to deal with siblings in different economic brackets. they are just dealing with it earlier in life and there is no guarantee it will always be this way.