Dad refuses to pay for daughter's college after she makes fun of stepbrother's injury.
When this man is upset with his daughter, she asks Reddit:
"WIBTA if I refused to pay for my daughter's college for making fun of my step son's injury and condition?"
I (44M) am a widow of a previous marriage and so is my wife (42F). She has a son (19M) from her previous marriage and I have a daughter (17F) as well. We dated for roughly 5 years before being married for 3 years now and our kids have known each other since the beginning, no major fights or weirdness besides getting to know someone else as a parent/guardian.
My son was a tremendous athlete in basketball and I used to play in college at a school I'm sure none of you heard of. Regardless, I know the ins and outs of basketball and when he asked me to coach him, I was more than happy to. Turns out that he was good, really good.
Division 1 good. My wife is a controller and I'm a pharmacist, together, we make a very, very comfortable living, but are not rich.
So when my son was getting scholarship offers for basketball, I realized we could pay for my daughter's college in full and neither of them would have any student loan debt when they graduate. A plan that I shared with my daughter, which I think was a mistake to begin with.
These plans changed when my son tried riding on someone else's motorcycle, with their permission, but with zero training, and got badly injured on a ensuing crash. He lost part of his hand and foot, not life threatening, but basketball ending.
This happened last year and my son has been in a deep depression that we're desperately trying to bring him out of, but he feels like his entire identity got ripped away in the blink of an eye. He's been in counseling and prescribed medication but it has not helped thus far.
Recently he confided in me that the pills he's on have unfortunate side effects with his libido to virtually zero interest and wants to stop them. I told him the important thing is that he's with us, but he can bring that up with his doctor next visit.
Fast forward about 2 weeks. I'm upstairs looking for something in my room and I heard my daughter talking to her friends on her phone about college. The conversation turned towards her brother and she said she "can't wait to be gone...
I'm tired hearing (her brother) cry every day" and saying his hand is gross I knew "spirits" in the house has shifted since he became injured, but I didn't think she felt this type of way. I was gonna talk to her later about this, but then I heard her say "I heard him say that he can't even get it up" while laughing.
At that, I was furious. I stormed in her room, took her phone, laptop, car keys and TV out of her room. I told her she should be ashamed of how she's talking about her brother and he might do something permanent if he heard you talking about him like that.
When my wife got home, we talked about what happened and while she's proud of the way I stood up for my son, she thinks it's too far to also not pay for her college, since we could easily do so. WIBTA if I don't pay for my daughter's college?
Fairly unanimous that this would be too far and I think I knew that, but I just can't calm down. Maybe I'm stunned that it was my own daughter saying it, but it's rare that I harbor something like this.
Also, many comments hinting that I'm alienating or neglecting my daughter are completely unfounded. The post was about my son's condition, so I talked about my son. Maybe my daughter feels less important or neglected, I can understand that, but it certainly not because of a lack of attention or love. I accept it though, IWBTA.
Let's see what readers thought.
raysmith writes:
YTA. So you found your dream son, and your daughter had to take a back seat to your amazing new "son." He's the golden boy, and she's just a girl.
Was what she said okay? No. Was she unkind and resentful? Yes. The fact that you WANT to destroy her life because she was unkind to your precious son shows her very clearly exactly who you are and how little you value her.
What was she doing during all the hours you spent coaching and mentoring your shiny new son? Who was mentoring her? Who was listening to her struggles? Who was laughing and joking with her while you were bonding with your new best buddy?
Even your wife values your daughter far more than you do. Why not just drop ger off at the nearest bus station and be done. That way, she can't interfere with your precious boy.
adone1764 writes:
YTA. Your daughter shouldn’t have made fun of him obviously but she’s only 17. Frankly, it’s his own fault he got hurt so if he can be forgiven for doing something stupid then so should she.
yahoo09 writes:
YWBTA. Your son had a life-changing event a year ago and you've understandably been focused on him and helping him get through it.
Siblings of a child with a serious injury or illness often feel left out or marginalised while the parents spend more time with that child. Your daughter is only 17, and what happened to your son will have had a huge impact on her as well, if only due to the change in the family dynamic.
You punished her already. Now try talking to her about how she's feeling about things. You might be surprised at what she says, if she's willing to open up (she may not be). But taking away a college education is a step WAY too far.