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Dad refuses to change custody agreement with ex unless he gets something in return.

Dad refuses to change custody agreement with ex unless he gets something in return.


'AITA for refusing to change a custody agreement because I'm not being offered anything in return?'

My ex and I share 50/50 custody of our 9yo son. Basically we have him every other week. She also has a 5yo from her second marriage. They're divorced and the custody arrangement is like ours except she has the 5yo on the week that I have our 9yo.

Her second ex husband refused to work around our custody agreement so my ex asked me to change ours. This is a huge deal and the reality is that I cannot just sign off it. If I just say okay then she'll start asking for more accommodations at my expense.

I told her to think about what she's going to offer me to go along with this plan. She got mad that I wouldn't just do it. Honestly if she would had offered me something like an extra holiday then I'd go along with it. She even said that she wasn't going to pay my legal fees because a judge has to sign off any custody changes in our state.

Now she's pissed and I don't care.


svoigt11 says:

How about you think of the fact that the siblings would actually get to spend time together. Why wouldn’t you want your child to spend time with their sibling? YTA

No-Ninja-5158 OP says:

Not my problem. Both boys are just as happy being together than not. Why? Because they get to have their parent all to themselves and my relationship with my son is more important than with his brother.

blackberrywinter_ says:


No-Ninja-5158 OP says:

I don't care enough about my ex to hate her. She's like that coworker who is more work to work with than not to.

Fruitfurnishing says:

So you do see your son as a bargaining chip? Wow you sound like a horrible dad.

No-Ninja-5158 OP says:

This isn't my problem

elinordash says:

YTA. What your ex is 'offering' you is a chance for your son to grow up with a (half-time) sibling he actually has a relationship with.

No-Ninja-5158 OP says:

Then she should go back and negotiate with her second baby daddy

Practical_Pizza5275 says:

YTA. Your son should be growing up with his sibling. He's a human being not a bargaining chip.

No-Ninja-5158 OP says:

Then she can go back and bargain with his dad.

Mithrander_Grey says:

I work in a family law office and dealing with AHs like you are the worst part of the job by far. Instead of doing what's in the best interests of your children, like preserving a healthy co-parenting relationship that will make your children's lives materially better, you are choosing to be a major AH.

Worst of all, it's the kids that usually suffer the most when you have a parent being a grade A a**hole like you are. YTA all the way. Your 'F**k you, got mine' attitude disgusts me.

Sources: Reddit
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