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Dad won't let ex take son after surgery; says he shouldn't 'run to mom' when scared.

Dad won't let ex take son after surgery; says he shouldn't 'run to mom' when scared.


AITA for telling my son's mom that he's staying with me while he recovers?

My 9yo son needed hip bone osteoma surgery and his mom and I scheduled it before his three week winter break. My ex and I share 50/50 but I get him on winter breaks so she could take him our of state to see her family in the summer.

The day before the surgery she asked me if Ry could stay at her place to recover from the surgery. I asked her why and all she said was that she just wanted to be there. I said no. Ry has never had surgery and it's a big deal for him. I don't want him to think that the first thing you when you face something scary is run to your mom and not your dad.

I told her I was quite insulted by her request. Plus he was going to need help getting dressed, undressed and bathed for the first couple of days and I highly doubt that he'd be comfortable having his mom do that. She said her husband could do that.

I told her no. He's having the surgery and I'm taking him to my house when he's released. I don't care if she's in the operating room.

She then asked if she could see him at my place and I said no. The agreement is that we have scheduled FaceTime with him when he's at the other parent's house. I don't want my ex wife in my home anymore than she wants me in hers. If the shoe was on the other foot then I'd understand whether I liked it or not.

I held firm and things have been tense between us ever since. Personally I don't care because I'm not apologizing for not giving her what she wanted.

Edit: No, my son doesn't get to decide who he gets to stay with and when and for how long. That's why there are custody agreements.

Here's how people judged OP:

Delicious_Dig_7273 writes:

YTA your child is not a pawn. his MOTHER who grew him is perfectly capable of seeing him to shower without sexualizing him. im a little concerned that you are?

Unhappy-Front-5295 OP responded:

He's not comfortable with his mom or her husband seeing him naked and for good reason.

Maleficent_Golf9765 writes:

I get that he’s pre-adolescent and probably weird about his mum seeing him naked. I also agree it’s not up to him who he stays with during his recovery. Let his mother visit during the recovery though.

She obviously cares deeply about him and he likewise will find it comforting to have both his parents available to him in-person (FaceTime does not count, you bellend) during his recovery

Unhappy-Front-5295 OP responded:

FaceTime does count per the agreement she signed.

neobeguine writes:

YTA. All you care about is what you feel you're entitled to. You should ask your son what he wants, and probably you should be letting his MOTHER visit. Stop prioritizing your petty resentment of your ex over what is best for your SCARED CHILD who needs SURGERY. Be a real parent and put your kid first. Shame on you.

Unhappy-Front-5295 OP responded:

No, I care about what we both agreed to.

Thin-Establishment94 writes:

I think it most important to ask the son how and where he wants his recovery to be, so that he can be most comfortable. This isn’t about you or his mom. It’s about your fucking kid, dude. Let HIM decide

Unhappy-Front-5295 OP responded:

No. That is not his decision.

aboutsider writes:

You care about your kid so much that his opinion doesn't matter?

Unhappy-Front-5295 OP responded:

His opinion for dinner? Sure.m Custody? Neyt.

FinnFinnFinnegan writes:

YTA she's concerned about her son and you turned it into a power play

PerturbedHamster writes:

Especially the part about not letting mom even visit. How cold-hearted can a father be? OP, for your son, THIS IS NOT TUESDAY. It is fine for your son to stay with you, but to not let mom see him? I thought I had seen everything by now, but OP has plumbed new lows. YTA.

Reallynoreallyno writes:

This child is 9, a 3rd grader NINE years old getting surgery! He should be running to his mom, he's 9. And he should be able to recover from surgery wherever he's most comfortable–maybe his bed at his mom's is more comfortable, or the bathroom is closer making his recovery easier, that should be OP's first concern.

Not to mention not letting him see his Mom after surgery... just 🤯 awful. OP's first and only concern should be his son's comfort and safety, not who 'wins' the custody battle.

No wonder OP's ex is being cold, I would never forgive him for this, and most likely neither will his son. OP was really expecting anyone to think he was right in the situation, how devoid of empathy does one have to be to not even see how this would negatively impact his own son? Major YTA x100.

Sources: Reddit
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