Dad refuses to bail son out after felony charges, blames his wife. AITA?
Parents want to support and protect their children.
But, sometimes there is a line between being supportive and enabling. One father decided that line had finally been crossed and when his son ended up in jail with felony charges, he thought that was exactly where he should be.
AITA for not bailing my son out?
My son Becker (27) talked nonstop about his investment men of a crypto coin called Shiba. He kept trying to get my wife and other family members to invest.
His investments failed sometime last year, and he hasn’t been paying rent. I helped him for a bit but told him to get a job anywhere, but it lasted for maybe a month because he was always “over qualified” for his retail, grocery, and restaurant jobs, despite dropping out of college and still being settled with that debt.
After the new year, I cut off the bank of mom and dad. He’s 27. Things seemed ok until last month, when my wife got a random call, and Becker is in jail for theft.
He stole from his friends and roommates because he was once again unemployed and his investments hadn’t worked out. Not only that, Becker confessed his crimes to the police because they acted sympathetic to his story.
“They tricked me” is what he’s saying. My wife paid his bail, and I stopped my direct deposit to our joint account.
I’m not paying for Becker's lawyer, and I don’t care because my wife has repeatedly failed him by calling him her smart or genius boy. Every time he’d do something stupid, she’d cover for him.
Her job doesn’t pay that much, but she’s already going through all of her money to get him a good attorney because of his Felony charges that are a freaking mile high, and I’m not giving him one penny for his defense.
Here are the top comments from readers:
YTA not for the title, but for blaming your wife for all your parental shortcomings. A 27y.o is an adult, not a work in progress. This situation was set in motion a long time ago. The fact that you've only just cut off the bank of M&D is a big clue.
Absolutely this. The family dynamics were set long ago, and this is the natural progress of those dynamics. A lot of JOINT parenting choices were made to get the entire family unit to this place in time. But now that OP has decided to stop enabling, it's mom's 'fault'.
NTA. Actions have consequences. If he's gonna steal, let him sit in jail and think about it. It isn't your job to rescue him after bad decisions.
NTA. This isn’t a 17yo who has made an error of youth. This is a full grown man who will probably be happy dragging you and your wife down to the poorhouse with him, before bouncing without so much as a thank you.
Your adult son committed crimes against his FRIENDS for Pete’s sake. If your wife wants to blow her money on this guy then so be it, but everyone needs to stop pretending that he is a genius. My wife had a favorite son - told him how wonderful he was for years and years, and excused all his abuses. He is a train wreck today thanks to her.
YTA, but not for the question you're asking. Why the f*ck would you try to blame this all on your wife? You're going to be an extremely lonely old man.
The OP responded here:
Since he was a boy it was always her tears about he’s a misunderstood genius and anytime I’d take away money she would cry because he’d be there complaining or crying about why he has none. We’ve been married for 32 years and I’m almost done with how bad she’s enabled Becker his whole life.