When this dad is having questions about co-parenting with his ex-wife, he asks Reddit:
Ex-wife and I live in different states and I am the primary parent. My son goes to visit his mom four times every year. Thanksgiving, Christmas, spring break and summer vacation. All together it comes out to about 12ish weeks out of the year.
Before, I used to pack my son's bag with multiple outfits making sure to fold everything nicely even sending warm outfits as his mom lives in an area where it snows.
But so many times now when I get the bag back, the clothes are thrown in there all wrinkled and they even seem unwashed. I've sent him with his nintendo switch and a few games. Many times now when he gets back, I find articles of clothing missing and even some of the games that are quite costly have gone missing too.
I've really become annoyed by this to the point where I decided I'm not going to be bothered to make all this extra effort. She should already have clothes there for him. So he left today and his mom made a big deal about me not sending any clothes along. She said she didn't have any socks or underwear.
Was I wrong to expect her to have something at all? How can you have zero clothes for your son?? She argues that I'm the primary parent and that he outgrows the clothes too quickly. I feel like clothes should last at least a year or two before they get outgrown especially if you size up.
Other information that might be useful. -it was her decision to move out of state -she pays zero child support. Please comment any other things that might need to be known for an accurate judgement.
I did not take these actions to "get back" at his mom. If I wanted to get back at her I would go and get child support from her. I did this in order to avoid the frustration of having to worry about things going missing and wondering what may have gone missing that I didn't even realize. AITA?
YTA "My son goes to visit his mom four times every year." Kids grow. I'm sure she has a handful of things, but for four visits a year she's not going to have what your son needs- particularly, and this is important, because YOU ALWAYS PACK HIM A BAG.
You didn't TELL her you were going to do this? At least she could have prepared if you had said something, even if it pissed her off, she'd have been ready for your son.
Did you say, "hey, kid is missing this game, can you look and see if he left it somewhere?"? Did you say, "hey I'm a big frustrated with the way kid comes home, do you mind washing/folding his clothes he brings home and making sure he isn't missing anything?"? Then YTA. Hell, that's what my clothes look like coming home from a trip.
To be petty with your ex, you hurt your son instead. Good job. And no, OP, you wouldn't have been the AH if you just talked to her instead of doing this immature stunt.
I hate to say it, but ESH. You're trying to punish your ex, but your son is the one who suffers for it. By now you know she sucks at caring for him, that means you have to step up- for his sake, not hers.
NTA. If this post were reversed and you were not paying any child support (even if it is not court ordered), every post would be calling you a deadbeat. Your wife is a deadbeat. She pays no child support and expects you to provide him with ALL of his clothes. Your wife is lazy.