Dad calls sister 'wacko prude' when she calls his teenage sons' behavior 'inappropriate.' UPDATED.
When this father thinks that his sister is being a total prude about what he lets his teenage sons do, he asks Reddit:
"AITA for calling my sister wacko over my boys' "inappropriate" shower habits?"
Dad of teens, boys 17 and 15. They are pretty lucky in that our whole finished basement is their junior ManCave. It's not of my doing, the previous owner was a gym rat and really fixed it up.
Besides their bedrooms, there's a little gym area with a couple of machines, free weights, and even the world's tiniest locker room with three lockers and a bench etc.
It opens into a pretty large walk-in shower, a mini version of an actual locker room gang shower, about 5x7 feet I guess. The boys think this basement is their kingdom and they love it. So do their friends.
When it comes to showering it's not usual for them to just leave the water running and one jump in right after the other finishes. It's not even unusual for them to overlap.
In fact it's not unheard of if they are in a hurry to both jump in at the same time after a workout. It's a pretty normal gym atmosphere and a decent size shower with a couple of heads (not like a cozy bathtub shower or anything).
Somehow this setup was mentioned in front of my sister (taking a house tour for the first time recently), and she was appalled. APPALLED. Taking a shower? At the same time? Together? She was positively incredulous.
I told her it was absolutely no different than the boys showering at the gym, or in their sports locker rooms at school. Guys, especially athletes, take showers. Yes, together. Happens a million times a day.
She said that was very VERY "inappropriate." I called her a wacko prude, and now she's not speaking to me or my wife. AITA?
OP also offers this update with additional information:
Towel snapping asses and helicoptering was pretty much the locker room norm when I was their age. Didn't think anything of it. You're right and thank you. Not only is she the issue, I wasn't aware there even was an issue until she ranted. It wasn't even something that anyone ever gave a second thought about. Total non-issue.
I agree, there's nothing even remotely se%ual about it and nothing like that going on. The thought never even occurred to me. The most erotic thing that's ever gone on down there is probably someone's ass getting snapped by a wet towel.
Let's see what readers thought about this dilemma.
booshie writes:
NTA!! If anything is inappropriate here, it’s her for making a mundane, non-issue into some se%ual perverted concern. That is indeed whacko prude behavior, I wonder if she’s Uber religious…acting this way because any nudity is a sin or some BS. Good on you, op. What could she think is so wrong!?
chelseaatx writes:
NTA - I don’t see why she is so worked up. It sounds like they treat it as their own personal locker room and that is absolutely normal to them - especially if they grew up playing sports at all. It’s only weird if you make it weird.
From her perspective, most women don’t grow up in the same locker room style culture most boys go. Our locker room are simply set up different. It may very well be a foreign concept to her.
She should, however, be able to logic herself out of clutching her pearls if she stopped to think for just a few seconds. Let’s all just be happy the stinky teenage boys are showering and move on with our Wednesday.
bourbonginger7 writes:
Lol, NTA at all. I grew up in a house with an extra large shower that had a shower head on each end; it was not uncommon for my sister and I to hop in together after the pool or if we were in a rush to get ready in the morning.
Heck, we're both adults and have absolutely stood there talking while one of us is in the shower just to continue a conversation while getting ready for things.
The kids are siblings who are close in age. They've definitely grown up seeing each other naked or semi clothed plenty.
There's nothing inappropriate at all about them showering at the same time in a shower big enough to be a walk-in closet. Your sister needs to get her mind out of the gutter.
justarandom9 writes:
Honestly, YTA. So many guys on here think it’s just guys that do this. “We’re just guys, we shower together, we play sports,” etc. Now why do I bring this up?
Because these guys, while calling out the sister for se%ualizing something that isn’t se%ual, are themselves se%ualizing women taking showers by emphasizing that a big part of what makes this normal is “guys being guys” as opposed to “people being people” or “athletes being athletes” etc.
Now to answer AITA. Based only on what you wrote, I think NAH. Now if your sister brings it up again, then she’s pushing it.
We all cannot pretend that we live in a world that doesn’t have se%ual abuse, se%ual assault, etc. It’s uncomfortable to talk about, but it’s the truth. And these things are more likely to happen when we create opportunities for them to happen.
Like the stories involving Joe Paterno or Jim Jordan or Larry Nassar. The abusers in these stories specifically had the opportunity because of sports and showers and locker rooms.
Does it mean we end it all? No. But is it valid for an aunt to be concerned for her nephews and to bring it up to dad? I think so. Maybe she did it in a wrong way, but not enough of a wrong way to make her an AH.
Another thing, what would the reaction be if this is one boy and one girl? They’re still siblings. They’re still athletes.
We still don’t know anything about their sexual lives (e.g. orientation, abuse history, etc.) Would we still be siding with the father overwhelmingly? If not, why not? The issues that likely lead aunt to react that way are not constrained to happening between people if the opposite se%, right?
So yeah, I think your sister deserves a little grace here, even if she was annoying and judgmental.
And you haven’t done anything wrong either; you’re viewing your kids through the innocent lens you’re used to, and you know them better than your sister. They’re just your kids. They’re just brothers. Of course your mind may not go where hers did and that’s not a bad thing!
Gentle. YTA. let’s just give one another some grace and empathy and benefit of doubt.