Dad stops paying for daughter's university so he can pay for son's. AITA?
When this father is worried he made the wrong parenting decision, he asks Reddit:
"WIBTA for stopping paying for my daughter’s university to pay my son’s?"
WIBTA for stopping paying for my daughter’s university to pay my son’s? I posted this on a financial forum but i got told i would get better advice on here.
Backstory: I have 2 kids, my daughter who is in her second year of medical school and my son in his last year of his a levels (year 13/grade 12). My kids have different mothers and my daughter has always lived with her mother in Asia (not going to specify what country for privacy reasons) whilst my son stayed with me and his mother/my wife.
My daughter had came to the uk to go to medical school but that also means she cannot get a student loan due to her not being a citizen. I pay for the yearly tuition ($9000) and her housing ($11,000) whilst she pays for her other expenses with her job. I use all of my extra money on her.
However, my son is wanting to go to university to study sports science to become a pe teacher as he needs a degree to become a teacher. I cannot afford to give him any money for university but because he was born & he lives in the uk he can get a student loan.
I’m lost on what to do because I am equally as proud of both of my kids for achieving so much but if I stopped paying for my daughter’s university, she’d have to drop out. I don’t want to take the amazing opportunity that my daughter has received but my wife is saying that I have to give my son some financial help as I am doing it with my daughter.
From my wife, my son would probably get around $5,000 yearly but he’d still be in a lot of debt which would take him a long time to repay taking in a teachers salary. My daughter’s mother is not well off and has not given any financial support due big hospital bills.
My wife is saying I should stop giving my daughter money because I’ve already assisted her enough and it’s time to step up for our son. My wife though has a slight hatred for my daughter because every summer I go to see her in her home country which my wife deems to be disrespectful against her and our son since I have to see my daughters mother.
I also invite her on our family holiday which my wife doesn’t get because she “isn’t family.” I’ve talked to her about this and she always apologises but she’ll say the same thing the next year.
I don’t want to do because I don’t know what the fairest thing is to do. I’ve considered after my daughter is done with medical school I’ll pay off my sons student debt but my wife keeps on saying it would be “too late."
What do I do? I haven’t been travelling to Asia or going on holiday since she has started medical school as I’ve seen her lots in the uk and I don’t have enough for holidays. AITA?
Let's see what readers thought.
wholead762 writes:
YTA. You don't think that's going to cause drama and resentment? You have two kids, quit letting your wife try and cut your daughter out.
bornhorro4056 writes:
YTA. Should have thought about this before you got multiple women pregnant/had multiple kids that would need college educations. The idea of essentially punishing your med school daughter to pay for a "sports science" degree so someone can become a gym teacher is...lol. You can find a way to manage both instead of dicking over one for the other.
crankywife writes:
YWBTA. To be fair, you do not owe either one of your children the money for their education, so it shouldn't be a competition.
However, your son has financing opportunities that aren't available to your daughter, so he needs to pursue those options to see how they pan out, before your wife starts making demands. Is he a good enough student to earn scholarships? Your daughter is working to help subsidize her education, so she is not just a lazy taker.
And as an overall question: why would you spend the money for your son to earn a degree which would, by your own admission, hardly earn enough to pay off the cost of the degree? From a purely financial perspective, the money invested in your daughter will always outperform your son.
Also consider that your wife hates your daughter and will resent any of your resources going to support your daughter over your son. She is making is a "choose one" situation, when it doesn't have to be so.