Dad angrily tells ex he won't help pay for quinceañera; daughter stops talking to him.
Few suffer worse from divorce more than the child stuck in a game of tug-of-war between peeved exes. While the parents are busy taking out their long-held resentments on each other, the kid is catching all the crossfire.
In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a man asked if he's wrong for telling his daughter he won't be paying for her quinceanera. He wrote:
"AITA for telling my (42m) daughter (14f) that I won't be paying for anything related to her Quinceañera?"
So me and my ex-wife have 4 kids (21m, 20m, 19m, 14f). We got divorced back in 2015 because of her infidelity and did not end on good terms. She has always tried to put an image of herself as well put off but in reality she relies on a man who she doesn’t even love and only wants for money. Our youngest recently told us that she wanted to throw a party for her 15th birthday.
My ex started looking into venues without telling me about it and after she found one she liked, she called me to say I had to put money in to pay for it. I obviously told her no because I had never agreed to it and me and my current wife had already planned to throw my daughter a separate party which did not include her.
I suggested that she throw another separate party for her to celebrate on her own with her side of the family but she got mad and berated me for being a horrible father and not providing for our child. My daughter is mad at me for not paying for the venue and she won't speak to me.
The last thing she said was that she didn’t want the stupid party me and my wife wanted to do. I'm so confused and a bit upset at the fact that they got mad at me for something that I never consented to. AITA?
People kept it real with OP.
Bertiers_Moma wrote:
ESH except your daughter. You and you're ex are terrible at co-parenting and you both suck at communication. You knew your daughter was going to turn 15 at some point, and this should have been addressed much earlier.
Are you planning two different HS graduation parties? Two different college graduation ceremonies? Maybe even two different weddings? Births? Leave your daughter out of this. She is a child and you are the grown up. Grow up and figure out how to fix all this.
ParsimoniousSalad wrote:
YTA. You're letting your anger at your ex interfere here. The Quince is important to your daughter, and you should be able to put your animosity aside for one day to work with your ex to help your daughter achieve a (reasonable) event she wants.
Comfortable-Focus123 wrote:
ESH - You and your ex are still parents, just not married. Why the hell don't you talk to each other before making plans? It sounds as if you hate your ex more than you love your daughter. And your ex should have involved you in the planning.
itammya wrote:
YTA. Everyone here saying ESH has it soooo wrong. Your daughter lives with her mother. Your daughter's mother is planning the party exactly as the daughter wants- which is why your kid let you know she wants nothing to do with whatever crappy party you were planning. This isn't about you. Or your feelings. Grow up.
FortuneTellingBoobs wrote:
ESH. The quinceaňara is an important life event, and both you and your ex need to be on board and in charge of it. Put your bitterness aside for two bloody seconds and plan this big event for your kid, with your ex's input. Both of you need to get over yourselves for the sake of your child (and your new relationships.)
Clearly, OP and his ex need to grow up and put their differences aside so their daughter can have a special day.