Son and daughter twins were both encouraged to invest their allowance in order to save for their futures. One of them made a huge profit, the other lost everything. Now, the rest of their family is angry that the father is not going to pay for his son's college because he failed to make any money in the market.
My ex-wife 36f and I 36m have been divorced for 7 years now. We have twins, both 17(F,M). My wife and I are the stereotype of high school sweethearts. I'm more of a geek. She was a cheer leader. My son takes after my wife and my daughter take after me.
When they were younger, I gave them the option for allowance. They could either spend the money on what they wanted to or I could walk them through investments and savings. My wife was all for this at that time.
We explained that they each have a set amount of money that we have put away for future schooling as well as a car fund.
At first, both of my kids decided to invest it, and I started to show them how to and the risk involved. My son put his into a very risky investment(against my advice) and ended up losing it and decided not to do it anymore(within a few weeks).
My daughter started off rough but quickly got the hang of it. Playing with different investments and companies. She has been in the positive most weeks.
The issue is that due to this, my daughter has saved up more money than her brother. She also likes to spend most of her time over at my house vs my son over at my ex-wife's house
My daughter's interests are more minimalistic when it comes to most things and she does not spend a lot of money. She will when she finds things she likes. She is not into fashion, rarely puts on makeup (when she does, it is very light), bought a used but nice car, etc.
They just got their acceptance letters for college, and she will be able to pick any of her choices due to grades and her savings plus our contributions.
My son, on the other hand, spends most of his money when he gets it. Always has new clothes constantly (mostly a bunch of shoes), bought a new, very expensive car with payments, goes out all the time, and spends everything he gets.
My son is upset because he can't go to the college he wants because he would need to get a loan, and with what I make, he doesn't qualify for much.
My ex says I need to stop favoring my daughter and financially hurting my son and that I should just pay for his college. Among other things. Her and her side of the family are all calling me an AH for not paying 'because you easily could.'
I told them that they had a choice when he was younger and he didn't listen. I also pointed out the fact that if he had saved his money, he would have also been able to go to college where he wanted. I said he needs to get a job to cover costs if he wanted to go. And life was about choices.
Early ETA: I did keep asking him to try again throughout the years. But he didn't care. I gave up almost two years ago when he said he wanted to live almost full time at his moms house. We had an argument that made me back off. I didn't just stop and drop it when he was really young.
We did not give him his college fund. He has enough money in his college fund that he can attend a community college for 4 years or a good college for 2. Nothing fancy or big. The money that was invested was allowance, or spare money. My daughter would use birthday money, Christmas money, allowance, or any extra chore money.
I'm not bragging, but I could send them to the best colleges for as many years as they want. And fund their lives comfortably.
YTA. I doubt this will be a popular opinion, but I think you're TA in general. Right now you have a choice of helping your kid get a start on his adult life and you're using it to make some sort of ideological point instead of helping him.
Yes we can say that the actual child should have made better financial choices.. But right now you're going for the win. The kid like you is the winner while the one like your ex gets to work. It is 2023, how much does he need to work to pay for school? And thanks to your income he can't even get financial aid.
Make it up to your daughter, but help your son succeed in life by helping him with college. It seems like you can afford it, you just want to be right instead.
That is an interesting point. You could fund his education and put aside the same amount for your daughter if she does not need it for her education. Maybe she might want to pursue her master's or something else.
Problem with that in son's mind it will never be equal. If dad gives both same amount again he will say daughter is getting more. Cause she has more at the end.
Dude there is a big difference between giving a 12 year old cash and saying 'invest the wisely or you can't go to college' and paying for his kids education. Hell he could just pay for both his kids educations and she can keep what's she earned.
They both have college funds. She just has more to go to any school she wants regardless of price. She is covering the difference out of her own savings, which coincidentally was also money given to her by OP.
Son wants allowance + college fund + car fund + MORE COLLEGE MONEY.
Edit: Okay, I just refreshed and saw the new edit. OP is TA for underfunding both kids college funds. They didn’t need cars, they should have put that money in both funds to fully pay for four years of undergraduate. That’s not even getting into that he said he can afford to fund it for both without it being an issue.
OP is still not TA for not giving his son more JUST to be even with his sister who did the smarter and more mature thing.
Was the point to teach your son investing, or was it something else? He was obviously not equipped to handle this choice. Be a loving and forgiving father. If you don’t, the only lesson you are teaching him is how to be heartless.