Man tells mom, 'you have zero rights when it comes to my newborn.' AITA?
"AITA for telling my mom she has zero rights to name my wife's and my child and her opinion is not wanted or important here?"
My mom is being the MIL in law from hell to my wife right now and I snapped at her recently over this and have laid some boundaries down, but I am questioning my reaction to her.
So my wife Kenzie (25f) and I (25m) have been married for just over a year and we're expecting our first child this year. This will be my parents first grandchild and this has caused some craziness from my mom. She has aimed most of this at Kenzie but I did step in when I learned how pushy my mom became.
This started right after our pregnancy announcement. My mom went to Kenzie and told her we should name our child Rodger if we had a boy and Elizabeth if we have a girl. Rodger was my mom's grandfather and she wanted to name me or one of my brothers Rodger but dad vetoed the name every time.
Elizabeth is her favorite girl name and my dad vetoed that for my sister's too. Kenzie told her we weren't really looking for name suggestions and we had discussed a few already. My mom told her the names were important and should be used.
A couple of weeks after the first incident my mom asked Kenzie if she knew whether baby Rodger or baby Elizabeth was joining the family. Kenzie told her neither of those names were in the running and we didn't know yet.
Kenzie mentioned mom bringing up the names to me then but downplayed how pushy she was being so I said nothing at that point. We learned we were having a boy and my mom became so pushy that she ordered blankets and clothes with the name Rodger embroidered on them.
The first we knew of this is when she gave us a little door decoration with the name Rodger on it. I told my mom then that we hadn't finalized a name yet and wouldn't be announcing it until after he's here anyway.
She went to Kenzie yet again and told her she was pissing her off by refusing to comply. They argued about it and Kenzie told me about it afterward.
I went to talk to my mom and make some things clear and she asked why nobody in this family wanted to use the names she loved. I told her that was something she should work through herself because we are not obligated to use them for her.
She then sent a gift package with all the clothes and blanket with the name Rodger and she sent them to my wife and posted them on social media. This made people assume we had chosen the name Rodger.
This is when I lost it and went over to confront her about the pushiness. She told me it was important to take her opinion on board as my mom and our son's grandma.
And that's when I told her she had zero rights to name our baby and her opinion wasn't wanted or important here. My mom told me it was rude to dismiss her opinion and her feelings as unimportant and I should have more respect for her.
It made me realize we need space from her right now but also I do wonder if I went too far. AITA?
Let's see what readers thought.
traditionaltrad7 writes:
Semi NTA, semi ESH - you should've put a stop on this long ago. first time she was pushy you should've told one more time and you personally veto the names like your father did.
Go to the social media posts or make your own referencing hers and tell everyone that your baby wont be named either of those things and your is probably just confused since you already told her before. Instead of building resentment, you should shut your mom down.
professionalshutin writes:
Your dad is TA. I can't believe your mom gave birth to several of his children, and he didn't let her name any of them her favourite names. Go thank your dad for having this problem now.
Your poor mother. Anyway NTA. Of course you should get to name your own child however you want. Your mother should have got to as well. I wonder if your parents are still together.
kangaroosweater writes:
NTA - Your wife should block her and all communication should go through you from now on. It’s not fair to make her deal with all this, especially while pregnant/ becoming a new parent.
Be sure to warn the staff at the hospital or better yet, don’t tell her when your wife is in labor until you’re both ready for her to meet the baby. The last thing your wife will need is your mom barging in while she’s vulnerable. Out of curiosity, what names are in the running?
disneynerdmom writes:
NTA, it you didn’t go far enough. You sit mom down and have a “come to Jesus” moment. Tell her you and Kenzie are stepping back from her for rest of pregnancy because of her actions.
Your wife should not be subjected to this crazy. I’m betting she brings it up everything you talk on phone of in person. Tell mommy not so dearest that Rodger will not be your son’s name. You keep giving her hope by saying you haven’t decided. Tell her no. Even if you loved it before, that name is tainted now.
Tell her she’ gone too far, and you’re stepping back to enjoy what’s left of the pregnancy. Then grey rock her. She doesn’t get any more info. Have Kenzie block her and anyone else that gives her crap. Everything goes through you.
Then for the cherry on top…you tell mom if she does not completely drop this name crap and any other shenanigans like recruiting other family to harass you all lil one will never meet her.
Please password protect medical info and tell hospital, doc, and labor nurses you are specifically banning her from labore room and visiting at all. If she has key to house, get it back, and change the locks.
Then search the JUSTNOMIL forum for rules about visiting. No hogging baby, no kissing, no staying in your home and then making new mom do all the work, giving baby back when asked, no snatching baby out of parents’ arms, etc.
Also Google “The Lemon Clot Essay”. Read it and believe it. Give you insight for after baby is here about how your wife is going to feel. I’m betting your mom is going to be on your doorstep begging to have baby.
Finally, if she harps on name tell her to have a baby herself so then she can name it Rodger or Elizabeth. She had her chance and this baby is yours and your wife’s and yours to name, not here
rebootspain writes:
Oh honey, this is just the tip of the iceberg. Her entitlement to this baby because he’s your child (and you belong to her) is in full flow. She sees herself more important than his mommy.
NTA. You didn’t go too far. You didn’t go far enough. She has to learn that any boundary stomping or disrespect to your wife’s authority as this baby’s mom is going to have consequences. And those consequences are going to be that she won’t have the grandmother experience you were hoping for.
Start by saying to her, (don’t text her, call her) that you have asked your wife to block her number in her phone. You will deal with any communication from now on because mom can’t be respectful to your wife.
Make it clear that the only person you care about at the moment is your wife and you will always put her first.