Dad tells wife to focus on son's mental health, not sister's physical health.

'AITA for telling my wife our son’s mental health should be more important to her than her sister’s physical health?'

Last month, my son “Will” (17) and my wife’s sister “Michelle” (22) got into a car accident and had to be hospitalized. Will had some painful but not life-threatening injuries (broken ribs, leg, some bruising) but has been deeply traumatized and distressed, and mostly just guilty because he was driving and Michelle was injured far worse.

She had major head, spinal and chest injuries, clinically died multiple times and it seemed very unlikely that she would survive for the first two or so weeks after the accident. My wife ever since the accident has been completely focused on Michelle and has barely had any time for Will.

When I told her I think Will has PTSD, she spoke to him for an hour and then went back to the hospital and has expected me to handle everything. I don’t mind taking care of the house or our other two kids, but i feel like I’m out of depth with Will and genuinely need her help and support there but she’s always at the hospital.

I haven’t told her anything yet but now that Michelle has finally started to recover and talk clearly and walk, I told my wife that I understand what she’s going through, but she needs to spend time helping Will with his mental trauma because it looks like she doesn’t care about it from where I’m standing.

She got so upset, she said Michelle (who’s about twenty years younger) is like her first child, but I said Will is actually her first child and needs her more, while Michelle has her own parents to take care of her (plus the title of the post verbatim).

She accused me of not sympathizing with her and said she can’t even go one minute without thinking about Michelle and how she won’t be able to live independently for months, if not years, but I said that should be her parent’s problem, while Will should be hers.

She started crying and hasn’t said anything else. I’ve been giving her some space ever since, and I’m starting to feel a little guilty.

Edits:

Will wasn’t at fault for the accident, the other driver was. Nobody blames him, not even Michelle. Just himself.

My wife has always been better at talking to the kids than me, which is why I need her time and attention.

Lot's of people think he's the AH.

reddituser_098123 says:

YTA. What is your wife able to do that you aren’t? You can’t make Will therapy appointments and get him the medical care that he needs? Your wife has to do this?

Asking your wife to help you manage Will’s issues would be one thing. Telling her that she needs to help Will with his mental trauma….. she’s his mom, not his therapist. Pick up a phone and get him real help and stop pretending to be helpless and clueless. You’re an adult.

Wrong_Moose_9763 says:

It's another person with broken fingers (many of them are in my family) that cannot figure out how to dial a phone. Step one, call a therapist, step two, drive said son to the therapist.

For F's sake grow up, you are the adult here, start acting like it. Not everything falls on your wife to do. You sicken me. In case you couldn't figure it out YTA

The_Thrash_Particle says:

A therapist isn't a cure all. You don't just go to therapy for a month and become okay. Support from your loved ones is also an important part of healing in a lot of situations. And for OP's wife to find just a couple of hours for her son over the course of a month says a lot. Like... She can't find one day in five for him?