Dad asks if he's wrong to call SAHM from work every day because 'her routine sucks.'
In OP's words: 'AITA for calling every morning?'
My son is a 20 month old toddler. My wife is a stay-at-home mom. I work six days a week and I'm usually gone for twelve hours a day.
I always check in on my son remotely via our nursery cam app and he's always awake in the mornings around 8:00. He has a great sleep routine. Our 'wind down' time starts at the same time every evening, we clean up toys, read a book, when I lay him down he's still awake, he falls asleep on his own and sleeps all night for at least twelve hours.
It's usually after 9:00 before I have a chance to check the camera. This morning when I checked it was 9:12 and some mornings it's closer to 10:00. Every time I look though, he's awake in the dark and standing in his crib just waiting.
When I see this, I immediately turn on the brightest night light the camera has and speak to him through the camera app. I always tell him good morning and I love him and he usually laughs and says 'Dada'. Then I leave the app, call my wife to wake her up.
I usually have to call three to four times, and when she finally answers it's obvious that she just woken up, and only because I called. I tell her that our son is awake waiting for her and that she needs to get up to start their day.
This morning while on the phone, I asked her if she was going to get him after using the bathroom and she said no, she was going to the kitchen to prepare their breakfast and THEN she'd get him. I asked her to get him after the bathroom so he could go to the kitchen with her and she flipped out.
She told me it pisses her off that I call EVERY morning to tell her how to be a mom and that she has a routine. I retorted with 'well, your routine sucks because he's been awake for an hour and you'd still be asleep if I hadn't called'. It just bothers me that he has to wait so long. He needs a diaper change, he's probably thirsty, hungry and just wants to play.
Am I wrong though? Do I need to stop? Please be completely honest with your answers. Thanks!
Here's what people had to say in the comments:
cocomilo writes:
Info: is she up with him during the night while you are sleep?
Sad_Abbreviations216 OP responds:
No. He sleeps great. He sleeps straight through the night always unless he's sick.
Little_Lexis13 writes:
NTA. Simply for safety reasons. What happens the day the child is tired of waiting and decides it’s the day he’s going to learn to climb out on his own? If he falls and hurts himself and not just a bump on the head?
Sad_Abbreviations216 OP responds:
Exactly. I've already lowered the crib to it's lowest point.
Purple_Turtle2 writes:
NTA-if she needs help then you guys should figure something out but leaving a child in the dark for hours til she wakes up is ridiculous. He’s already been in that crib for 12+ hours by that time of the LATE morning
Sad_Abbreviations216 OP responds:
Thank you. I don't see why the others can't grasp this
ncslazar7 writes:
YTA. Stop trying to micro manage your wife. If you want things done differently, be a stay at home dad, and ask your wife to work. Otherwise, stop demanding, and start communicating.
Sad_Abbreviations216 OP responded:
I just don't understand why she needs so much sleep (12+ hrs) when she could be up with him.
chaengist writes:
YTA. Quit being so controlling and let your poor wife get her sleep. Your son will be fine entertaining himself for a while.
msdu5276769 writes:
YTA. If the kid is sitting in his crib quietly then all is good. In fact, alone time like that is good for babies (not sure why, but I remember a doctor telling us that).
Sad_Abbreviations216 OP responds:
And the crying is what usually wakes her up on the days that I'm too busy to call. She literally does not get up until he's crying.
WinterBourne25 writes:
YTA. I cannot imagine being a micromanaged mom like that, remotely. Wow.
Is your son crying? No? Then he’s fine. If he’s uncomfortable, he will call for his mom.