I'm 54 (M) and my daughter is 28. She is home on break from grad school getting her phd. She's only home for two weeks because she says she doesn't have any more time even though she has a month break. That's been a big thing with her lately. She is constantly too busy to do things with us or help us out even though she does have the time.
I got my younger daughter a sweater and it turns out she already has it. I called my older daughter from work on Friday and told her she needed to run and exchange it for a different one. She said ok, she'd do it the next day. I said it needed to be done that day to get the best options and she said she was grading so she can't.
I told her that it's not like she can't pause her grading, run out, and exchange it. She said she wasn't going to slow down her work and just said that I should do it when I got back from work that day. I said I was busy too and didn't feel like running out after a long day of work and she said neither did she.
But she doesn't have a 'long day of work,' she's sitting on her a** on her computer all day and doesn't even have scheduled hours to work. She can do it whenever she wants.
Today things really kicked off because I needed her to pick up an online order for a gift for my mom, her grandma. She again used the excuse of grading (she hadn't even started working yet, it was in the morning and she was drinking coffee and having breakfast.)
She said that she needs to have her grades done by today, but I looked it up on the website and she has until Monday evening so I called her on her BS, and she said she had 'other work' due on Monday so she needed to get the grading done today (but wouldn't enlighten me on what this mysterious 'other work' is).
I said well tough, this needs to be picked up today so I can wrap it and I was going into the office so I couldn't do it. She said that if I don't want to do it myself, then it will be done on her own time.
I told her with that attitude she can stay somewhere else and she said 'happily' and packed her things claiming she didn't want to stay here anyway but was only doing so because I insisted. She left her gifts and said to not expect her for the holidays and she'll go to her girlfriend's family instead.
I think it's ridiculous that she is throwing a fit just because she can't constantly live like she's the only person on the planet but my wife and other daughter are now furious with me. So I figured I'd ask here because my younger daughter is always reading the stories with me. AITA or am I correct that my daughter is self centered and childish?
Everyone keeps telling me the grade due date is actually the post date. If I was allowed to I would post the link so that you could see that the calendar literally says 'December 19th: Grades Due From Faculty' and 'December 20th Grades Posted'. She literally admitted to lying that they were due Sunday (today) so I'm not sure why people are so stuck on insisting I'm wrong about that
YTA. This must be a joke… too many ridiculous assertions. The first, suggesting that sitting at a computer isn’t work/hard work. Mainly, that you can be surprised she doesn’t want to visit when you just use her as an errand girl when she does.
Also, none of your requests were urgent so why on earth can’t she get them done in her own time?? If you’re asking a favour, don’t be so demanding.
daughterthrowAITA OP responded:
I fail to see how getting to stay in bed in your pajamas and type out some comments is 'hard work,' but that aside, they were urgent because I need to get the wrapping and gift getting done asap. Christmas is in a week and the stores are only going to get busier and busier. If I wasn't so demanding with the time she'd put it off until Christmas eve and we'd all be screwed.
what exactly do you do for work and what's your daughters PhD in?
daughterthrowAITA OP responded:
I manage a fulfillment center and her phd is in english or rhetoric (i think english was her master's actually but still, english department)
YTA. 'am I correct that my daughter is self centered and childish?' Nope that's a mirror you are looking at.
He did say “she’s sitting on her ass on a computer all day” so it’s clear he has zero respect for her work.
I love my father, but he STILL doesn't understand why I can't just 'leave work a little early' to get things done. My work is teaching college classes, Dad. The students kind of notice when I'm not there.
Yta. Grading is working. She’s supposed to interrupt her day for your mistake?!
NTA Your daughter sounds like a brat. Sure she's got work to do. But helping when she knows it's important is something she really should make work. What if things were the other way round? What if she needed something from you and you were acting like it wouldn't matter?
I'm sure the fit she'd throw would be intense. She's 28 for god's sake. And acts like a 16 year old.