Dad tells daughter she isn't a boy, so there is no way she is his child. UPDATED 3X
"My dad said he wishes he had a son rather then a daughter."
Ayakashadow
I apologize in advance for my bad Grammer or spelling. I'm writing this quickly and on a phone. I (17f) am not very close with my father (41m) due to him not wanting to spend much time with me. when I was little, me and my mom (39f) did lots of fun activities together and she always played with me and entertained me resulting in us having a good relationship now years later.
But, whenever I'd try to get my dad to play with me or watch something with me, he'd be uninterested and tell me to go play with my mom. This happened practically everyday with me wanting to watch him work on his car or asking him to play. But he always pushed me off.
As I grew up, I believed that my dad just didn't like me so I asked him to play or teach me stuff less and less. He would only do stuff with me on my birthday and holidays. He always made sure I was fed when I was hungry and if I was upset he'd comfort me, but other then that he would avoid me.
Now to today, I was in the kitchen getting a snack and my dad was outside in the backyard on the phone with one of his friends. I could hear what he was talking about from the open kitchen window but I was ignoring it until he said my name in their conversation.
I listened in more and heard him telling his friend that he wishes he had a son more than a daughter because he never wanted a girl. He said he didn't try to build much of a relationship with me because of it and said he had tried to get my mom to have a 2nd kid to see if he could get a son.
But my mom didn't want 2 children at the time, so he just ignored me when I was able to walk and talk so he could focus on other things and let my mom raise me. I went to my room after hearing this and am writing this now.
I want to tell my mom because how hurt I feel but I also don't want to cause a argument between them since they are really close. Does anyone have a few suggestions on what I should do? Should I ask him about it or just tell my mom?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
Svataben
Talk to your mom about it. If what he said was true I probably wouldn't attempt to have a relationship with him if it were me. What kind of parent decides to reject their child because of their gender?
The OP responded here:
Ayakashadow
I'm going to talk to my mom about it later tonight when she gets home from work.
nennjau
He wished this whole time you were a boy. Tell him you wished this whole time he was a real father. I guess you both got disappointed.
suzanious
This is a perfect thing to say to him.
"I wish you were a real father. But because you wished I was a boy, you were NOT a real father. You pushed me away when I tried to be the best daughter ever, but you didn't care."
This is going to make him realize how badly he screwed up. After your words hit him, tell him he will never see his future possible grandsons because of how he treated you. Then leave the room. Let your parents talk it out together. Your mom might leave the room as well to let him stew in his miserable misogynist views. Please update us on the results.
Just 8 hours later, the OP did in fact return with an update.
"Update: My dad said he wishes he had a son rather then a daughter"
Ayakashadow
Hi everyone, I have a short update for my situation from my last post. I firstly want to say how grateful and heartwarming seeing your comments were and your kind words really helped along with the few people who messaged me asking if I needed someone to talk to, I really love you all.
On to the update. My mom got home from work and I waited until she wasn't busy to talk to her. I asked her to come with me to my room and once we both were in there with the door closed I told her what I overheard and how I felt, not just about his hurtful words but also how I've felt my whole life with how he treated me like I'm a stranger.
My mom was quiet as I talk and once I finished she hugged me and told me how she's really sorry and hugged me while telling me how I'm the best thing to ever happen to her and that it didn't matter that I'm a girl because she'd love me either way and that's how parents should be and she'd always be there for me.
After a bit she went to confront my dad who just admitted it, they got into a argument from it which ended with him going to stay at my grandma's house for a bit. I'll add another update if anything new comes up. I forgot to mention but my mom also told me how she's been doing her best to fill both roles of my mom and dad since my dad wasn't.
Here were the top rated comments from readers after this first update:
Philosemen69
Let's hear it for MOM!!! She not only affirmed her unconditional love for you, but she also went up against dad and wouldn't back down.
ZeldaMayCry
A Mother who didn't try and tell their child that they either didn't hear it correctly or 'you know he didn't mean it.' GO MUM!! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
MasterSaturday
I can't fathom not loving your child just because they have the other set of chromosomes. Sorry you have to go through that. I'm glad your mom is there for you at least.
Zook57
He feels he would have been a better father to a son. The irony is he is just a sh*tty father.
nyxjpn
What a jerk. I’ve dreamed of having a daughter for years. He should count his blessings either way. I hope you can get some rest and take some time to yourself.
5 days later, the OP returned with another update.
"Update 2: My dad said he rather have a son the a daughter"
Ayakashadow
Wow, first off I want to say thank you to everyone who commented on my last 2 post. I've been given lots of advice and support which I really want to say thank you for, you have no idea how much it means to me.
On to the update. My dad came home last night and my mom was hesitant to let him into the house but he said he needed to talk so she let him in. He, my mom and I sat in the living room and he started apologizing for what had happened and was telling my mom and I that he regretted what he said and would step up to be a better father to me and to make things right.
My mom told him that what he did was not acceptable in any way and that it's not a matter where apologizing will fix it. I then asked how exactly did he plan to make up ignoring me my whole childhood and not being a dad to me. I'm turning 18 in a couple months and then I'll be a adult and won't be a child anymore.
I then said that ignoring me all my childhood and pushing me away because of what's between my legs was a horrible thing and I don't forgive him. He started apologizing more and had some tears in his eyes which sort of surprised me but my mom asked me to head to my room so I did. I could hear my mom saying stuff and then my dad leave the house again.
She came into my room after and told me that she would be not allowing him in our home anymore and gave me a hug before telling me that she texted his mom the night he left for a few days about what happened and apparently my grandma tore into him about it and kicked him out so he had to stay at one of his friend's house.
Here were the top rated comments from readers after their second update:
Silent_Syd241
I’m glad grandma tore into him too because I can’t imagine hearing that my son treated his daughter coldly because she wasn’t the son he wanted. It sucks that he didn’t come to this realization on his own when you were a baby but I hope he steps up and try to build a relationship with you that’s if you still want one with him.
Chalice_Man1987
I genuinely thought the grandma would enable the father. I was pleasantly surprised when she became disappointed in him instead and kicked him out. I bet the friend whom the dad is staying with will eventually kick him out too.
HexesandHeauxs
I’m so glad your mom is helping you handle this correctly. Your dad was so out of line for so many things and it’s time he faced up to it.
Jenderflux-ScFi
He only cried when he realized he didn't have anywhere to sleep. Don't let him fool you into believing he's sorry. I'm so sorry that he's such a horrible father, you deserve a father that loves you with every fiber of his being. Sending cyber hugs if wanted.
nandopadilla
Yea your dad still doesn't give a f*ck about you. He cried not because he hurt you but because he knows his wife and life is gonna be over. The fact he said he'll make it up to you while you're on the doorstep of adulthood shows he's full of sh*t or he's desperate and is letting out a bunch of verbal diarrhea.
Sometimes it's too late OP but there is a silver lining, you have a mother and grandmother who love and support you.
A month later, the OP returned with a final update.
"Update 3: My father said he'd rather have a son then a daughter"
Ayakashadow
Hello all, it's been almost a month since my last update since nothing much had happened with the situation until last weekend, if you want to know the full story then look at my previous posts then come back to this one.
I was home alone last weekend watching the mandalorian (hope I spelled it right) as I was resting after being hit by a car (story for another time but I'm fine) and as I was laying in bed I heard knocking on the front door, I went to check and saw my dad standing there. His left eye was completely blood shot looking and he asked to come in.
At first I said no and said if he wanted to talk we could where we were at. He started apologizing for everything and then tried to guilt me into forgiving him and to try and get my mom to let him stay again but when I said no he got a bit mad and started to rant about what's been happening with his life recently.
I wasn't really interested and just waiting for him to back up so I can shut the door when he started to calm down a bit and then dropped a bomb and said that he wasn't very interested in me growing up because I was not his kid. I was dumbfounded hearing that and asked what he meant and he said "If you were my child you would not be a girl so you aren't my kid."
I actually was shocked he thought that was how it worked and I was not his child because I wasn't born a boy. Like wtf. I started to tell him that he's a actual idiot if he thought that's how it worked. That made him mad and slapped me and then he started to yell, so I pushed him backwards and he fell off the porch.
I shut the door quickly and locked it before calling my mom who immediately called the police and rushed home as he was yelling and trying to get the door back open. After a few minutes the cops should up and he was taken in a ambulance to a hospital because the fall backwards broke his wrist. He was arrested for assault on a minor since we have cameras that caught the whole thing on video.
My mom had been comforting me the past week because I had to deal with that and now we are okay. I probably won't update again unless something major happens but I wanted to say thank you to everyone who has reached out and left nice comments on all of my posts.
Here were the top rated comments from readers after their final update:
ScrewyYear
I have been following your story from the beginning. Seriously? You sperm donor is certifiable. I’m sorry he slapped you, but I’m glad they caught it on camera and he got hurt. I hope both you and your mother continue to keep this POS out of your lives, and I hope you recover soon from your accident.
PsychologicalBit5422
And this is partly why sex education is important in schools. Cause otherwise there are dumb idiots and their parents out there.
Izzet_Aristocrat
"If you were my kid, you'd be a boy" What? How fucking stupid is this guy?
greentea1985
Poor OP. Her dad comes from the Henry the VIII school of genetics where girls are the mom’s fault or something. I guess he never learned that the dad determines the gender, not the mom.
Conscious-Practice79
Something is completely wrong with that man. Why would he say something like that to his daughter. Then he wants his wife to take him back. Why would she? He needs help. Serious help.