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Man asks if he was wrong to not give son $400k because he refuses to go to college.

Man asks if he was wrong to not give son $400k because he refuses to go to college.


Planning for your child's future is hard. You want what's best for your child. If you have the means, some parents set up college funds, so their child has something to rely on come time for college. What happens if you set up a college fund and your kid decides not to attend college?

On a popular Reddit thread in the Am I The A**hole Subreddit, a man asks if he was wrong to withhold his son's college fund because he didn't want to go to college.

AITA for holding my son's college fund hostage?

I don't even think you need that much money for college.

I(48M) have a son who graduated high school this year. We (my wife and I) started his college fund the minute we found out she was pregnant. Since we make good money (in the mid-6 figures), his college fund currently has almost $400k.

I'm 28 and my parents still want me to become a doctor.

We have never told our son what to do with his life. We may have guided his decisions as any good parent should, but since he was still young, we let him make his own decisions. We never expected academic excellence or forced him into sports or artistic activities.

Kobe Bryant also didn't want to attend college.

After graduating high school, he said he did not want to attend college. We said he could do whatever he wanted as long as he was sure. He refused trade schools too. He also did not want to work with us in our business.

Okay, OP, your son wants to live that billionaire start-up life that is only possible with a 'small' loan from Mama and Papa.

My son wanted to use his college fund to start a business. I said that I would allow it only if he took some Business Management, accounting, and law classes in the nearby community college. I even offered to pay for them out of pocket and not from the fund. And then I would expect a well-made business plan before giving him the money. My wife agrees 100%.

Someone thinks its their money and they want it NOW!

But he called us AHs for holding his college fund hostage to make him do what we wanted. We think we are just doing our best to ensure that his business succeeds.


MaraTheBard Says:

I'll probably get downvoted, but NTA (Not the A**hole). You're not holding it 'hostage' for any selfish reason. You're trying to help him get and stay on a soundtrack on life. You even offered to pay for the classes out of pocket and not from the college fund. You're trying to support him, but you're also trying to stay realistic and make sure he knows what he's doing so he doesn't make a $400k mistake.

TwoCentsPsychologist says:


It is not 'his' college fund. It is his parents' money saved for his future. Already, you are being very open-minded about not mandating college. The classes seem to be a basic minimum safety before handing a teenager almost half a million dollars.

Even after the classes, I would treat the fund as an investor. That only provides part of the funding until the business meets specific benchmarks and releases more funds.

Kindly_Reward_8537 says:


You offered to pay for the course, not make him pay himself.

Who doesn’t want to take a course in running a business if they intend to start running a business.

For $400k, I would take any class you wanted me to, OP. I'd even call you daddy.

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