'AITA for not taking the baby as soon as my wife asked?' UPDATED

Nerves are at an all-time high when you have a new baby, which means it's the prime time to get in a fight with your partner.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a man asked if he was wrong for not taking the baby as soon as he was asked. He wrote:

"AITA for not taking the baby as soon as I was asked?"

Our daughter is 7 weeks old. My wife is a full-time SAHM (both of us want this until our daughter is at least 5, starts school, and can openly communicate with us). I work full time making $25 an hour and while the pay is good, I've been looking for something a bit better just so we have more fun money, basically. I get home from work today at 3pm and she asks me to take the baby.

As soon as she asked though, I got a phone call that I suspected was from an interview so I said "hold on a second" and took the call. It was an interviewer and he wanted to do an over the phone interview and asked if it was a good time. I said yes. About 40 minutes later I go back in and my wife is cooking dinner with the baby strapped to her chest.

I said I could take the baby now and she said "looks like I've got it" and dismisses me completely. She then turns off the stove (dinner was done) and goes in to the bathroom with the baby and takes a shower, with the baby. I go in and say she's being ridiculous and that I had to take a phone call and she snapped.

She said "I take phone calls while holding the baby all the f#$king time. I cook, clean, shower, s#$t and shave while holding the baby. Your excuse is pathetic." AITA for not taking the baby immediately?

People had a lot of thoughts.

mfruitfly wrote:

YTA. It isn't about just taking the baby when asked, it is that you failed to communicate or be considerate. You got a random phone call, you had to take it- that's fine. They asked if you were free- well you weren't really free because you had just agreed to take a baby, but you could have certainly asked them to hold for a moment and gone and COMMUNICATED with your wife.

"They want to do an interview now, so now I can't take the baby. Simple as that. And then after being gone for 40 minutes and seeing she is upset, you follow her to the bathroom and tell her she is being ridiculous. Dude, you left her when you said you would help for 40 minutes with zero consideration or communication, and she is the ridiculous one?

Evening_Nerve3709 wrote:

Obviously going against most commenters here but I want to say that I understand both perspectives here? Maybe you should have been more clear? When you get a call with a phone interview, the answer should always be yes because unfortunately, HR takes this sometimes as not caring for the role.

I think you should have told your wife it’s a phone interview with a potential job opportunity (to earn more money, a better living for her and your child) she would have understood… at least I would have. Then she would be ok with holding the baby a bit longer until you finished.

Perhaps she assumed it’s a personal call and you brushed her off, anyone would be pissed if that was the case. I’m going to say kind of NTA but kind of TA bc you didn’t explain what the call was for.

HoshiJones wrote:

YTA. The interviewer was being considerate and asked if it was a good time. You, being inconsiderate, answered yes. All you had to do: "Actually, could you call me back in half an hour?" Also, you told your wife "hang on a second" and then came in 40 minutes later? What did you expect?

Cherry_clafoutis wrote:

These y t a replies are delusional. Unless you are being specifically head-hunted, most interviewers have multiple applicants that are all about the same in terms of viability. They have no need to wait on the convenience of your normal applicant to be available. Taking a phone call from your mum or to a friend is very different to an interview call.

Having a baby being distracting or worse, start crying is not going to project "competent professional". Some interviewers might be forgiving but a lot are not. The average person has enough competition against them for good, high paying positions without sabotaging their first impression. NTA. It sounds like your wife could use some recharge time though if she is normally a reasonable person.

And yes, I was a SAHM for many years. I know exactly how tough it is. Sometimes you have to suck it up and deal a bit longer for important things. ETA: did you actually tell her it was for an interview? If you didn't, then that makes her reaction understandable.

heidismiles wrote:

YTA. Use your words and explain that it was for a job interview. It's understandable that you were worried about missing the opportunity. But your wife needed you in that moment and she might not even understand why you did it.

Explain, and apologize.

After receiving lots of varying responses, OP jumped on with an update.

ETA: our daughter just had her vaccinations. She's fussy. Putting her down in her crib would have led to screaming because she was already unsettled so my wife would have just grabbed her back out anyhow.

Clearly, no one can agree.