Dad won't pay for son's wedding after his fiancé 'seems to disapprove' of other son. AITA?
When this father wants to take back his promise to pay for his son's wedding because of something his fiancé did, he asks Reddit:
"AITA for not paying for the wedding despite promising that I will?"
One of my sons Kai(21M) is gay. He is not officially out but everyone knows he is gay. It's just so obvious. He also has a boyfriend that he claims is "just a friend" but we know the truth.
Last night all of the kids were visiting. We decided to order dinner and my daughter(17) was responsible for ordering food for everyone. I guess she thought it would be funny to order burgers for everyone but order a hot dog for Kai. She told him that "I figured you'd like this better" you know teasing him like siblings do.
One of my other sons has a fiance Nora(29). After my daughter said that to Kai Nora made a face as if she was disgusted by the thought of my son being gay and told my daughter "don't joke about that it's not funny" this hasn't been the first time that Nora has said something like this about Kai. She seems to disapprove.
She is a firm believer that Kai is straight. She is religious so I don't think I need to explain how she feels about gay people.
Here is why I might be an asshole. Years ago I promised my son(Nora's fiance) that I will pay for their wedding but I don't want to do it.
I have a gay son and I don't want someone who is against it to be a part of our family so I told them that I have changed my mind and won't be paying. As a matter of fact if she ever says something that slightly offends Kai I won't even attend their wedding. They think I'm an asshole and I'm overreacting. AITA?
Let's see what readers thought.
sorryiguess writes:
ESH. You're acting like Nora's the AH here for being openly homophobic. Meanwhile you're being lowkey homophobic with your "we all know he's gay" even though your son has very clearly made the decision NOT to come out to you, indicating that he either isn't gay and is just effeminate (in which case you're just a flat-out homophobe)...
Or that he doesn't feel ready or safe to do so with you (which also says something about YOU and your behaviour, not him) . . . and on top of it all, your teenaged daughter is openly taunting him with gay jokes (and no, that's not just "what siblings do") and regularly trying to out him, and you're not doing a damn thing about it.
Assuming that Nora is actually homophobic, and not just deeply uncomfortable with you allowing openly homophobic bullshit at your dinner table (which as another commenter noted, plenty of us would be), literally everyone in this conflict sucks. Poor Kai. Do better.
mamaquilter writes:
NTA. If you pay, you are condoning her behaviour, and encouraging even more. If your son truly loves this woman, then he should understand your standpoint. If he cares about his brother, he would have a conversation with his fiancee about how she is treating a future family member. And be blatent that your son is gay and her comments are hurtful.
morgainetofay writes:
YTA. You don’t know that Kai is gay. You say have suspicions, but unless and until he comes out to you, you do not know he is gay. And even if he is, he apparently is not yet comfortable coming out to you, so letting your daughter make jokes about it to Kai is really inappropriate.
Also, based on what you shared here, you don’t actually know that Nora would have an issue with Kai being gay. Not all religious people have a problem with homose%uality.
Perhaps she was reacting to the fact that your daughter’s teasing isn’t appropriate. And perhaps she is taking the position that, unless and until Kai comes out, she is not going to speculate and invade his privacy.
adok7 writes:
So you assume your son is gay (he's not out yet, so yes, it is an assumption), you assume Nora made a face and a comment about the joke not being funny because she was 'disgusted by the thought of your son being gay', and assume it's becayse of her religion.
And based only on these assumptions not only you decided to break your promise to pay for the wedding, but also you just can't wait for her to say 'something that slightly offends' your youngest son so you can justify not attending the wedding. YTA.