Daughter asks if she's wrong to tell mom she's a bad parent to 'special needs' sister.
It's hard to have a special needs sibling, but what if they are faking it? This daughter seems to think her sister is spoiled and not disabled, so she took to the popular Reddit forum to ask:
'WIBTA if I told my mom that my little sister isn’t special needs and that she is just a spoiled brat?'
DISCLAIMER: I don’t hate my mother. I really don’t resent her at all. She isn’t as bad as she use to be but she still makes bad choices. She’s trying. She really is, but she needs to take responsibility. I know the title looks bad, but bare with me please.
I (15f) have a younger sister (8f) who still throws tantrums when she doesn’t get what she wants.
A little backstory, my mom didn’t give af about my little sister until a certain point . She forced her on my grandma to take care of her as soon as she was school age. As a result of this, my grandma spoiled her rotten. She is also behind in school. She is in second grade and still can’t read properly.
My sister learned at the age of 5 that she can scream her head off to get whatever she wants. My mom has accommodated to this and is making excuses for her behavior.
Every time my little sister “cries” she just screams. No tears. She can stop and start instantly. It is like a switch.
(Note they she didn’t do this before being around grandma since my mom is never home).
She wants to get my sister mentally evaluated. I desperately want to tell her that she just needs to own up to her bad parenting and neglect and admit that if she did better with her and disciplined her, she wouldn’t be like this.
My mom has now convinced her that she is special needs and every time she screams she says “I can’t help it, I’m special”
I am also thinking of telling my mom that is it may be best if my sister lives with her dad for a while cause he didn’t put up with any of that. WIBTA?
Well, let's see what the Reddit mob had to say.
snookcrickets writes:
The fact that your sister is saying, “I can’t help it, I’m special” probably means something isn’t wrong. If you have ever been around a child with special needs for the most part they really cannot stop themselves from a tantrum unless someone intervenes. I’d get the evaluation done on her. I think you’re NTA since your mom is pushing this onto you.
onestranger disagrees:
YTA. Meltdowns are different from tantrums, and idk which one your sister is having but if she’s been foisted away from her mother it’s a very real possibility that she has a mental hindrance that’s causing stress on her brain causing a meltdown.
Children CANT regulate their emotions, not without good supports during formulative years, and yes it does cause lasting mental issues to be deprived of that. Glad they caught it early, hope your sister can get help.
blackjackstella makes this interesting point:
NTA. She sounds like a spoiled brat. She knows she can get away with certain things with your mom but not with her dad. I was the same way growing up. My mom let me get it away with a lot of stuff that I’d be too afraid to say and do around my dad.