Daughter threatens mom; 'I either buy you a plane ticket OR you're homeless.' AITA?
When this woman is annoyed with her mother, she asks Reddit:
"AITA for either letting my mom be homeless, or offering her a plane ticket to our home country?"
I(29F) am originally from a north african country, but currently live in the UK. When I was 5, my dad divorced my mom and vanished. 2 years later, she met a guy online, married him and moved to France.
She lied to him, said she was never married and had no kids, so I was forced to pretend that she was not my mother when they visited every other year.
I was left with my grandma, and she did her best to raise me, but she was pretty old by then, so I ended up being the caretaker when I got a bit older. Nevertheless, I knew my best bet was to study hard, so I did so.
I went to a top engineering school, then started working for a multinational, then I was promoted amd moved to the french branch. By then my grandma has passed away, my mom already had pretty much no contact with me, and her kids thought me as the orphan that their grandma used to raise, so I didn't even tell her that I moved to france.
2 years ago, I moved to a new company in the UK, and I make a pretty good living, and with no one to support, I am pretty financially secure.
Then my mom reached out to me. Apparently her husband divorced her, her kids can't help her (I don't know why, she mentioned some financial reasons), so she got my number from a cousin I'm in contact with, and wants me to move her in with me.
I told her that will not be happening, the only help I will be offering was a plane ticket back to our home country, and she can then do whatever she wants, but as far as I'm concerned, I don't owe her anything.
Most of my family are on her side (mainly because of religious and cultural reasons), but I wanted to make sure that I wasn't letting resentment cloud my judgement. AITA?
Let's see what readers thought.
fallingpolkadots writes:
NTA. Your mom did you dirty, and abandoned you at 7, denying you were her daughter to her husband and new family. Your own mother called you an orphan! You studied hard, worked hard, and worked your way into a secure life no thanks to her.
Not shocking that she reached out to you now that she needs you, and I think what you offered was kind enough. If you wanted to do more, that's up to you, but you wouldn't be wrong if you just wanted to give her nothing.
She made her bed. Nothing you can give her now will replace the years she was absent and she can't make up for it now.
It's through the kindness of your heart that you are even offering the plane ticket home, and it's not as if she even reached out (I'm not gathering) to apologize to you for her actions and with hope to rebuild your relationship slowly by earning your trust back. I don't know I'd have believed her if she did.
liss7 writes:
NTA. You did more than I would. She abandoned you and hid your existence. I can't imagine how painful that was for you. You're under no obligation to help her now.
You can also tell any family that gives you trouble that they're welcome to support her, but you're not. If they don't open their homes to her, they're doing the exact same thing you did. If you're an asshole, they're also assholes. You will take no more criticism from hypocrites.
angryomelette writes:
NTA. Your resentment is valid while your mother seems pretty self-centered woman with zero care for your existence. Such people are a burden to anyone who support them.
Your relatives will support your mother because of the expectations in the eastern cultures "that children need to support their parents in their old age" and try to enforce that upon you.
So that is to be expected. It is easier to burn the bridges with them and ditch your mother (which i personally agree with), it will be difficult to retain some like minded, friendly cousins whose support you may require while dealing with your mother and the fallout in the future.
The best you can do is keep her far away from your life with a good excuse, pay her a pittance for her to survive and present yourself as the good daughter to your relatives or dump her and your relatives and go NC with them. Whichever you feel is good option.