I have a 14F daughter. We moved a few years ago to a bigger house in the same neighborhood. Because it's a bigger house my daughter can now have her own full bathroom, and me and my husband share another one.
The bathroom my daughter uses' shower broke so we just took the opportunity to get a full remodel. My husband and I found furniture we liked that complimented our bathroom and was also a good nice theme I wanted. We got a paint color that we knew my daughter liked pretty well.
Our remodel started a few days ago. My daughter and I were out of the house staying at a friend's while my husband worked from home in the basement. My daughter told me that she was stressed out because she didn't know what was getting put in the bathroom. I told her she was no where as stressed as I was because this isn't her house and her money.
She then proceeded to tell me she was upset that she didn't get to have a say in what was happening in 'her' bathroom, and she didn't know if she'd like the bathroom. I told her it was my house and that we put a color she liked, which she said wasn't what she wanted. I told her she was being spoiled and she shouldn't think she gets to make all of the decisions.
She said I wasn't being fair and that I was making the bathroom she'd 'be using' all about what I wanted, but she'll graduate soonish and then I'll still have the bathroom. She claims she just wants a compromise, but why should I compromise how I make MY house look?
My husband hasn't really weighed in on this, but AITA? I'm pretty sure my child is being entitled.
Here's how people judged OP:
YTA, for your response. If your daughter had some completely crazy suggestion like 'put fur on the bathroom walls', you certainly wouldn't do it, but maybe what she wants aligns with what you want, but you haven't even bothered to listen to her opinion.
No, instead you made it very clear that YOUR home does not belong to HER. Like, she's a teenager, she lives in this house, she's YOUR daughter, even if she didn't pay anything on this property, at this stage of life, this is HER's too, the only home she's ever known.
Honestly, if my parents made me feel like a guest in our house, it would break my heart.
Yeah. OP didn’t even bother to find out what she would choose. Maybe she would have chosen things OP agreed with and this all could have been avoided. A simple “yes you can be involved but I get the final decision” would have been way more appropriate.
Could have at least let daughter pick a color that she actually liked. That’s easy enough to change later on. Doesn’t sound like she even likes her daughter that much. OP: YTA
Why are you so aggressive when your daughter is trying to tell you how she feels? First you make it a competition about who is more stressed. Then, you flip out when she tells you how she felt about being left out of the bathroom remodel.
You immediately assume she wants to make all of the decisions. You refuse to even consider what she means by compromise. And your process is strictly about when she is out of the house.
You seem very aggressively against your daughter having any feelings or say in what is happening in her home. Yes, it is your house. You own it. But she is 14 and for her this is simply home. Why are you so angry about your daughter trying to express that?
NTA. Indeed it's your house and you will live the long term whereas she will soon-ish move out. Nevertheless, it would have been beneficial to at least explain what you are going to do, just to give her some comfort.
Nta…maybe I’m old school but I’m lucky to have a bathroom of my own when I’m small. Nope- had to share with 6 ppls. I’m still much more fortunate than others tho