In a recent post on Reddit, a woman asked for advice about dealing with a new half-sibling to her daughter. She has justified resentment towards her ex, but it's being taken out on her daughter. It's a tricky situation. Here's her story...
I (36) share a daughter (6) with my ex-husband (38). We got divorced three years ago when he decided out of the blue marriage wasn’t for him, but I guess it was only marriage to me because he was married again less than a year later to the little girl who lived down the street from us (28f).
For background, I know he cheated. He claims he did not and hid it all very well but I know he did. Now they’re expecting their first child and my daughter is obviously very excited to be a big sister.
The other day she asked me who I was going to be to her little sister, and I told her I wasn’t anything to it. She seemed confused so I had to explain to her that even though me and her father had her together he decided that he wanted to have a family with someone else so I wasn’t involved with this kid.
She asked if that means the kid won’t be coming to my house and I said nope, then she asked if the kid would be able to go to her grandparents (my parents) and I told her no again and she got pretty upset at that.
So I guess when she went to her fathers she was still upset and she told them why and to comfort her I guess the new wife told her that when the baby got older they could have sleepovers here so she came home all excited for that. (She’s also told my daughter that we’d go on vacations together….etc).
I don’t want this kid at my house, I don’t want it over for sleepovers or vacation or anything. I told my daughter that and she got upset. Our next exchanged my ex said I was an AH and I should’ve just pacified her and not shoot down every idea his new wife has. I told him she needed to accept I don’t want to be involved with these plans.
Here's what people think:
I don’t think you’re the AH for not wanting to baby sit your exes kid but I think you’re the AH for speaking the way you are to a 6 year old. I can FEEL the hate via text. (You’ve referred to the child as an “it”) now do what you like with your friends etc but for the love of god don’t do that with your daughter.
I’m not convinced her ex cheated. OP looked for proof and couldn’t find any, and her visceral hatred makes her an unreliable narrator. Yeah, a year is kind of fast to be remarried, but some people are like that.
As a child of divorced parents who’s father cheated.
DO NOT TRASH TALK YOUR EX HUSBAND OR HIS WIFE AND THEIR CHILD
1smo OP responded:
It is absolutely not trash talking when it is the truth… Even if her father won’t admit it, I know what he did, and I’m gonna make damn sure my daughter knows what he did too.
You really are an a**hole. You put your anger ahead of your daughter’s wellbeing and pretend it’s all good because you’re being “honest”. You’re an awful parent and you need to grow up.
1smo OP responded:
I’m a bad parent because I have too much respect for my daughter to have her think her father is someone he’s not?
I get your anger but please rethink how you respond to your daughter. your daughter will figure out her dad left to start a new family and she will prob resent him later. but right now let her be excited for a new sibling. let her be a child.
1smo OP says:
I am letting her be a child I just have more respect for her than to lie to her and have her think her father and stepmother are someone that they’re not.
NTA. Ask your daughter if that woman is always lying to her. And make sure to let her know every time she is being lied to, that you were never told of anything.
1smo OP says:
I’ve told her before stepmommy lies all the time just like daddy.