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Estranged dad asks if he was wrong to tell biological son the truth about why he left.

Estranged dad asks if he was wrong to tell biological son the truth about why he left.


Having an estranged parent is tough, but sometimes it might be for the best. When this estranged father doesn't know how to talk to his son who confronts him, he takes to the popular Reddit forum to ask:

'AITA for saying the real reason to my biological son why I left them?'

abundantlyslay writes:

I am not really good with human interaction and I might be really wrong on this because I am feeling a discomfort on the subject.

I(45M) am asexual and most probably aromantic. My psychiatrist also thinks I have alexithymia due to my brains structure(my insular lesion is underdeveloped) but he is not sure.

As a summary, I don't have a grasp or affinity on humanly interactions(I do not feel anything other than satisfaction or discomfort when someone asks me to define my feelings) and I rather prefer spending my days behind a computer or books studying or working about something (I am a data analyst for a university).

I sometimes have weeks without seeing any people and it doesn't bother me. When I was 24, I had sex with a woman while I was drunk (my first and last time I had a drink and I had sex) unprotected and she had a child. I am the kid's sperm donor. When I held the baby,all I felt was a huge discomfort.

So I signed away my rights, his mom did not object but my family disowned me after this process(I never had an affinity for the ,they also never liked me so it wasn't surprising).

I was uncomfortable living with the same town with them at first but after 7 months, I had a job offer,moved out from my hometown within a night to my studio apartment and I am living there since.

I have a hobby(I draw technical pictures, photograph buildings and make my own building designs), I see a psychiatrist for my sleep problems and my life is basically in an order or was in an order until a month ago,until my son sent me an email for asking me to meet.

I didn't know what to do so I said yes and he came to the place I lived. When we tried to talk,the conversation only lasted for 20 minutes(it was mostly my medical history) and he asked me why I left them. I told him what I wrote here.

I told him how I was incapable of feeling any kind of emotions and how I felt a discomfort while he was in my arms and I explained how he was conceived. He looked at me and said 'Wow, I thought grandma was exaggerating but you are really a shadow of a human being.

I know you are you and you can't change who you are but the only thing I feel is I pity your situation and it is good for everyone you stay here and we should cut contact. I hope you are happy with your life and I wish you well.' I said I can't feel happiness but he also has my best wishes. He left my apartment.

When I told all of this to my psychiatrist yesterday,he implied that I might have hurt him and it made me feel a discomfort. I usually don't have any kind of feelings after interactions with others but this was different. So, AITA?

Well, that was awkward. Let's see what Reddit had to say.

bonjourcheriex writes:

NTA. You do not mention how old the child is, which could play a factor in how they processed this, but I am sorry you experienced this. You do not control what you feel, and did what you thought was best for everyone involved. If the child’s feelings were hurt it is probably because they had made some potential expectations of why you were not around.

guiltyandcharged disagrees:

YTA I never comment on these. Everyone is excusing you. I'm sorry to say this but you are the father, that role was on your shoulders, she did not go to a sperm bank and have the assumption there would be zero contact.

You absolutely dropped the ball. You got a girl pregnant and dropped the responsibility because it was inconvenient.

Life is more than just feelings and feelings don't make the choices for neurotypicals. I have extreme ADHD but that doesn't mean I allow myself to cause other people suffering, as much as possible.

raptorscards brings up this interesting point:

NTA. You sound like a serial killer, BUT. Listen and hear me: not all sociopaths want to hurt people. If you don’t connect, can’t connect, and make that clear, that’s all you can do. You’re just not typical, and in the eight billion of us, that’s to be expected. The judgment should come on your honesty about who you are.

Well, Reddit isn't sure what to think of this estranged father. Is he the AH? And do you think he has antisocial personality disorder? Is he a sociopath, and a functioning one at that? What are YOUR thoughts on this odd scenario?

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