'My cheating ex abandoned me and our daughter. 15 years later, karma came for him.'

"Estranged husband feels the kick of karma and begs for cooperation 15 years later."

I wanted to share my story about 15 years in the making, that came to something of a conclusion recently. So I (40f) married this man Ryan (41m) in my early 20’s and had his child, he turned out to be a serial cheater- STD’s, the whole nine… and then when my daughter was not yet two, he abandoned us and hid in another state.

I tried to get in contact with him at first, but it was just disappointment and frustration, so we went on with our lives. About ten years passed, and my daughter wanted to start traveling more with me, but when I tried to get her passport, it was denied because her father is on her birth certificate, and we needed his permission.

I found him. Actually his second ex wife helped me a lot, after some years had passed, he felt it was safe enough to pursue a career with the state, he was a Child Protective Services agent!

Actually I found an article of him bragging about helping kids find a family… it was laughable, but I digress- he would not respond to me, a mutual acquaintance tried, no response- so I started calling his work, and finally he responds back to my friend.

He claimed he would sign the passport permission paperwork, but he never did. So I filed for child support. Of course he tried to stall, ordered a paternity test citing “she doesn’t look like me and my family” (and if Maury put them side by side, the audience would be jeering him for denying this)

So after paternity is established, the judge asks him if he wants a relationship with his daughter now, knowing she is his- his response: “well she’s grown now” and then the judge gave him ten years of back pay child support due. His tantrums were always funny to see.

I got about three or four months worth of child support garnished from his job, until he lost that job- turns out dodging child support while being a CPS agent is considered unethical behavior.

He went back into hiding, did all the usual deadbeat stuff- work construction, complain about the system, married a lady with a couple of kids, trying to rebuild his wall of children to hide behind- and the child support arrears accumulated.

Eventually it was so much, they froze his accounts, put liens on his property, and a bench warrant- we go back to court, he sobbed about how “his card got declined trying to buy pizza! He couldn’t even buy pizza for his family!” He offered to finally sign the passport permission if I agreed to lower the arrears “to a reasonable amount, I mean, come on, this is not even right and you know it” …

But I already got the passport! It was easier to prove he wasn’t involved in decision making with the unpaid child support order, so I told him that “while I was sorry he struggles to provide, and lost his ironic job, I didn’t need his permission for the passport anymore."

I ended it there, never mentioned arrears, because I’m not forgiving them, but I did let them lower the monthly obligation, and told him I give it all to his daughter anyway, and that’s plenty of spending money for her.

This is what people had to say to OP:

OliveBean2382 said:

Good for you! This story makes me feel warm & fuzzy as a child from a similar situation. My mom & dad separated when I was 2 (he was abusive, controlling & constantly cheated), she got an apartment, he got visitations. He decided he didn’t like that so he tried to disappear with me during one visit.

My mom got a bad feeling when she couldn’t get in touch & called his landlord to find that he had moved out earlier that day. He was caught heading towards the provincial border. My mom obviously moved closer to her family after that. And he just disappeared, never sent any child support for my entire childhood. If he couldn’t get his way then he wasn’t going to pay.

I found out years later that he was an architect & made good money. He only resurfaced in my early 20s to ask my mom for an annulment so he could get married in the Catholic Church.

My mom said, sure, only if you pay your daughter all the years of missed child support…. He disappeared again. Only to email me a few years later trying to blame EVERYTHING on my mom. Told him to eff off. So I love this for you & your daughter.

OP responded:

Wow, I’m glad you had such an intuitive mom! These parents that leave see child support as “losing” some game of competition.

beeperskeeperx said:

Stood up and gave you a huge round of applause! From one single mom with a crappy donor to another, GOOD FOR YOU!

b3mark said:

So, ehm, why didn't you file for divorce by abandonment & full custody for your kid? I'm assuming that if a "parent" is awol for 10+ years, they can be stripped of parental rights because they abandoned their kid? They're still on the hook for child support, but at least you wouldn't have had to go through all this hassle.

OP responded:

Parental rights termination is not really a thing like people think it is, a judge isn’t going to take away a perfectly capable parents rights unless you have proof they are a danger to the child; and child support can’t be established when you can’t find the other parent.

And laserhawk66 said:

lol at “ironic job” Girl u r my queen