Father asks if he's wrong to leave equal inheritance to stepson and bio kids. AITA?
It's hard to have a blended family. When this man doesn't know what to do with his inheritance, he asks Reddit:
"AITA for leaving an equal inheritance to my stepson as my bio kids?"
I (62m) met my current wife (39f) four years ago, and we got married two years ago. She has a son (12m) from her previous marriage who lives with us full time (his dad visits occasionally, but lives in another country). I also have two adult children (34m and 32f) from my first marriage. I will admit I don't have the greatest track record as a father.
While my bio kids were growing up, we were kind of distant, as their mother and I were constantly fighting (she was a SAHM, while I was running a business to varying degrees of success).
However, when they became adults, we (bio kids and I) became much closer. My business also grew a lot, and I am quite wealthy now, compared to struggling to pay bills when my bio kids were growing up. My relationship with my stepson is quite good. He doesn't call me dad, but seems to view me as a very close uncle. I do my best to be a good father figure to him.
If I'm being completely honest, I hope that eventually he will see me as a father figure, especially given that his father is never really around, and constantly disappoints him.
So here's the issue. A few weeks ago while I was going through some things in the basement with my bio son and daughter, the topic of inheritance came up. I mentioned how I planned to include my stepson in my will, and he would get a third of the inheritance (I don't remember how exactly we got to this topic).
Well, my kids are furious with me now, telling me this was unfair, as they had to grow up with a cold, emotionally and physically distant/unavailable father who struggled to bring food to the table.
They mention how my stepson gets to live a luxurious childhood with a much kinder and more present/emotionally available and supportive parent than they had ever had while not even being my real son.
Then on top of that, they would lose out on the inheritance they feel they had earned for working so hard to repair our relationship after all the damage I had done to them.
(Edit: To clarify, that's not something they said. It's something I'm trying to be cognizant of because they absolutely could have walked away, but chose to try to repair our relationship (still before my business was successful; and they both had a hand in making the business successful because they were willing to help out)).
I can understand their point of view. They feel like I'm slighting them for my 'new family' with a much younger wife and what they claim is a do-over child (which he is not, but I can see why they see it that way).
I want to do right by my stepson, but also my bio-kids, who did have to put up with a lot more during their childhood than my stepson. AITA for planning to leave an equal inheritance to him?
Let's see what Reddit had to say on this.
underwaterally writes:
YTA. People view wills as the true feelings of the deceased person. If you don't leave a lot to your children, they're always going to believe you really didn't want them.
If you give a large chunk to your wife and her son, but a smaller portion to your children; your children are absolutely going to believe you didn't love them.
onewithoutaname disagrees:
NTA! What people don’t realize about an inheritance is that it’s your choice as to whom to leave your estate. I had a great aunt and went with her to her attorney when she wanted to draft a new will after her husband passed.
I told her to leave it all to homeless cats if she wanted. In the meantime, you may want to set up a trust for your stepson in order to avoid any future squabbling.
cd920 writes:
YTA Create a college fund for your step son so that he will be taken care of in that aspect, but do not give him an equal share of what rightfully belongs to your biological children.
You caused them a lot of pain and suffering while they were growing up. Do you really want them to resent and hate you for the rest of their lives once you're gone?