Parenting

Setting boundaries with your children as they get older can feel counterintuitive.After all, you raised them up from babies and have been as close as humanly possible, so how do boundaries even start and stop in this relationship?Nonetheless, parent-child relationships benefit from healthy boundaries just as much as any other relationship, even though the cultural expectations might say otherwise.<h2>In a popular <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/114222m/aita_for_making_plans_on_valentines_so_i_dont/" target="_blank">post on the AITA subreddit</a>, a mom asked if she&#39;s wrong for making Valentines Day plans so she doesn&#39;t have to babysit her granddaughter.</h2>She wrote:<blockquote> AITA for making plans on Valentine&#39;s so I don&#39;t babysit my granddaughter? </blockquote><blockquote> My (36f) daughter Lia (17f) is a teen mom. My daughter got pregnant at 14, and it was very shocking news, but we found out very early on, and she got to abort it. </blockquote><blockquote> A few months later and she got pregnant again and I couldn&#39;t handle the situation very well at the time but having my sister (her aunt) talk to her about what she was planning to do, she decided to keep the baby. </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> I&#39;ll admit I wasn&#39;t very happy to hear that, and I told her she&#39;ll have to be responsible about the consequences. Of course, as a mother I couldn&#39;t have her work and distract her self from school. </blockquote><blockquote> I didn&#39;t want her to miss on her childhood so I had to work evening-night shifts to care for my granddaughter while Lia was in school. </blockquote><blockquote> I realized that Lia has been taking advantage of my situation and making me cancel plans so I can babysit for her. </blockquote><blockquote> I overheard her making plans for Valentine&#39;s 2 weeks ahead on the phone with someone saying, &quot;My mom will do it she has no life anyways,&quot; and laughing afterward. </blockquote><blockquote> Being a single mom and having to work multiple jobs was hard enough but since she gave birth to her daughter, I haven&#39;t gone out to any parties. </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> I&#39;ve canceled many weekend gatherings so that my daughter can hangout with her friends and if I did go, I&#39;d always have my granddaughter with me and for her to laugh about my situation like that angered me. </blockquote><blockquote> That same day, I was asked by a guy I&#39;ve been seeing to accompany him on Valentine&#39;s, and I was hesitant, but I didn&#39;t want to miss the chance. </blockquote><blockquote> He&#39;s a really nice guy, I haven&#39;t been on a date for almost 6 years, and it wouldn&#39;t hurt to give my daughter a taste of motherhood when she least expected. </blockquote><blockquote> I told my daughter that I got asked out for Valentine&#39;s and she was happy at first but then asked if I was going to take her daughter with me and I said obviously not and she&#39;ll have to cancel plans for a day. </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> I didn&#39;t expect her reaction to be so extreme she cried, screamed, and told me I was being selfish and that I was letting her miss on her date just because I thought a guy was interested in me. </blockquote><blockquote> The argument didn&#39;t end very well, I stood my ground and went to that date, and she had to cancel plans, but she&#39;s still really mad about it and has been ignoring me. </blockquote><blockquote> I love my daughter, and I wouldn&#39;t want her to miss anything, but I wanted her to learn a lesson and be responsible. My sister agrees with me but my friend told me I should have done it on a normal day not on Valentine&#39;s. </blockquote><blockquote> Does my approach make me AH? </blockquote><h2>The jury of the internet shared their verdicts.</h2><a data-testid="comment_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/associatedaccount/">associatedaccount</a> wrote:<div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> NTA but you f*cked up letting it get this far and you&rsquo;re going to have to do some serious work to reparent your daughter so she can take responsibility and care for her child. </blockquote><a data-testid="comment_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/anitarielleliphe/">anitarielleliphe</a> wrote:<blockquote> Your friend is 1000% WRONG. You have bent over backwards for your daughter and granddaughter and your daughter does not seem at all grateful. </blockquote><blockquote> Granted, she is a child herself, and at this age it is normal to be self-absorbed, but she made adult decisions that put her in this situation and she must deal with the consequences. </blockquote><blockquote> You have to stand your ground, and further, perhaps you need to start setting some very distinct boundaries and expectations. </blockquote><blockquote> I understand that you do not want her to miss out on her own childhood. </blockquote><blockquote> But if you make this too easy for her, and minimize the consequences of her being a parent, then she is likely to repeat this decision, and you will have 2, 3 or more grandchildren to raise. </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> She needs to be responsible when at all possible to take care of her own child. </blockquote><a data-testid="comment_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Scarlettohara1605/">Scarlettohara1605</a> wrote:<blockquote> NTA. It&#39;s not your job to be looking after your granddaughter. I&#39;d be telling Lia that the only time you will be looking after her is when she is at school and any other time, it&#39;s up to her. </blockquote><blockquote> If she has to cancel dates and nights out or any social activities, then that&#39;s on her. She chose to be a mother at 14, so it&#39;s time she stepped up and started acting like one. </blockquote><a data-testid="comment_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Sea-Adhesiveness9324/">Sea-Adhesiveness9324</a> wrote:<blockquote> ESH. You created this situation. You told your daughter she would be responsible for her baby and immediately backtracked so your daughter wouldn&#39;t &quot;miss out on her childhood.&quot; </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> All the while thinking you looked like a hero mom to your daughter and she&#39;s been mocking you the whole time. Your daughter is ungrateful and doesn&#39;t appreciate all you&#39;ve done for her. </blockquote><a data-testid="comment_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Jazzlike_Substance41/">Jazzlike_Substance41</a> wrote: <blockquote> NTA. Maybe your friend should babysit for her? You are the grandma, not the mom! When your daughter decided to become a mom and keep the baby she chose to take on the responsibility of being a parent. </blockquote><blockquote> Kudos to you for going above and beyond for your daughter and grand daughter, but it may be time to take a step back and make her take some accountability. Good luck and all the positive vibes sent your way! </blockquote>Sadly, it looks like OP and her daughter have a lot of revamping to do in order for this relationship to be healthy.<div className="ad-splitter"></div>

Grandma makes plans on Valentines Day so she doesn't have to babysit granddaughter.

Setting boundaries with your children as they get older can feel counterintuitive.After all, you raised them up from babies and have been as close as humanly possible, so how do boundaries even start and stop in this relationship?Nonetheless, parent-child relationships benefit from healthy boundaries just as much as any other relationship, even though the cultural expectations might say otherwise.In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a mom asked if she&#39;s wrong for making Valentines Day plans so she doesn&#39;t have to babysit her granddaughter.She wrote: AITA for making plans on Valentine&#39;s so I don&#39;t babysit my granddaughter?  My (36f) daughter Lia (17f) is a teen mom. My daughter got pregnant at 14, and it was very shocking news, but we found out very early on, and she got to abort it.  A few months later and she got pregnant again and I couldn&#39;t handle the situation very well at the time but having my sister (her aunt) talk to her about what she was planning to do, she decided to keep the baby.  I&#39;ll admit I wasn&#39;t very happy to hear that, and I told her she&#39;ll have to be responsible about the consequences. Of course, as a mother I couldn&#39;t have her work and distract her self from school.  I didn&#39;t want her to miss on her childhood so I had to work evening-night shifts to care for my granddaughter while Lia was in school.  I realized that Lia has been taking advantage of my situation and making me cancel plans so I can babysit for her.  I overheard her making plans for Valentine&#39;s 2 weeks ahead on the phone with someone saying, &quot;My mom will do it she has no life anyways,&quot; and laughing afterward.  Being a single mom and having to work multiple jobs was hard enough but since she gave birth to her daughter, I haven&#39;t gone out to any parties.  I&#39;ve canceled many weekend gatherings so that my daughter can hangout with her friends and if I did go, I&#39;d always have my granddaughter with me and for her to laugh about my situation like that angered me.  That same day, I was asked by a guy I&#39;ve been seeing to accompany him on Valentine&#39;s, and I was hesitant, but I didn&#39;t want to miss the chance.  He&#39;s a really nice guy, I haven&#39;t been on a date for almost 6 years, and it wouldn&#39;t hurt to give my daughter a taste of motherhood when she least expected.  I told my daughter that I got asked out for Valentine&#39;s and she was happy at first but then asked if I was going to take her daughter with me and I said obviously not and she&#39;ll have to cancel plans for a day.  I didn&#39;t expect her reaction to be so extreme she cried, screamed, and told me I was being selfish and that I was letting her miss on her date just because I thought a guy was interested in me.  The argument didn&#39;t end very well, I stood my ground and went to that date, and she had to cancel plans, but she&#39;s still really mad about it and has been ignoring me.  I love my daughter, and I wouldn&#39;t want her to miss anything, but I wanted her to learn a lesson and be responsible. My sister agrees with me but my friend told me I should have done it on a normal day not on Valentine&#39;s.  Does my approach make me AH? The jury of the internet shared their verdicts.associatedaccount wrote: NTA but you f*cked up letting it get this far and you&rsquo;re going to have to do some serious work to reparent your daughter so she can take responsibility and care for her child. anitarielleliphe wrote: Your friend is 1000% WRONG. You have bent over backwards for your daughter and granddaughter and your daughter does not seem at all grateful.  Granted, she is a child herself, and at this age it is normal to be self-absorbed, but she made adult decisions that put her in this situation and she must deal with the consequences.  You have to stand your ground, and further, perhaps you need to start setting some very distinct boundaries and expectations.  I understand that you do not want her to miss out on her own childhood.  But if you make this too easy for her, and minimize the consequences of her being a parent, then she is likely to repeat this decision, and you will have 2, 3 or more grandchildren to raise.  She needs to be responsible when at all possible to take care of her own child. Scarlettohara1605 wrote: NTA. It&#39;s not your job to be looking after your granddaughter. I&#39;d be telling Lia that the only time you will be looking after her is when she is at school and any other time, it&#39;s up to her.  If she has to cancel dates and nights out or any social activities, then that&#39;s on her. She chose to be a mother at 14, so it&#39;s time she stepped up and started acting like one. Sea-Adhesiveness9324 wrote: ESH. You created this situation. You told your daughter she would be responsible for her baby and immediately backtracked so your daughter wouldn&#39;t &quot;miss out on her childhood.&quot;  All the while thinking you looked like a hero mom to your daughter and she&#39;s been mocking you the whole time. Your daughter is ungrateful and doesn&#39;t appreciate all you&#39;ve done for her. Jazzlike_Substance41 wrote:  NTA. Maybe your friend should babysit for her? You are the grandma, not the mom! When your daughter decided to become a mom and keep the baby she chose to take on the responsibility of being a parent.  Kudos to you for going above and beyond for your daughter and grand daughter, but it may be time to take a step back and make her take some accountability. Good luck and all the positive vibes sent your way! Sadly, it looks like OP and her daughter have a lot of revamping to do in order for this relationship to be healthy.

Setting boundaries with your children as they get older can feel counterintuitive.  After all, you raised them up from babies and have been as close as humanly possible, so how do boundaries even start and stop in this relationship? ...