Dad wants to ground daughter for forging signature for school trip. AITA? + UPDATE
"WIBTA if I grounded my daughter for forging my signature?"
Interesting_Golf_257
My (42m) daughter (16f) has a midday band field trip that she wants to go on during school in a couple of weeks. I know this because she sent me a picture of the permission slip and asked if she could sign my name. I said no, bring it home because I don't want you forging my signature and it's not due back for a week so there's time.
Several days have passed since then and I've yet to see the form. It's due soon and I'm sure my daughter will forget until the last minute and then sign my name on it. I know about the trip and I don't mind her going. Would I be the ahole if I still grounded her for forging my signature?
Here were the top rated comments from readers after the OP's initial post:
Cjack66
INFO: you can already see this coming, why aren't you talking to her about it? This is a parenting moment. Instead of waiting to spring the trap on your daughter, recognize she's a fallible 16 year old human, and remind her you expect to see the form.
The OP responded here:
Interesting_Golf_257
Thank you for your thought on it. I think this is the way to go. Just wasn't sure if forging was a hard line.
Capital-Effort2597
INFO - Is there some reason that you can't remind her? It feels kind of assholey that you are pre-planning a punishment for a situation that can be resolved with about 30 seconds of discussion.
Heloise_Morris
Are you setting your child up for a gotcha moment? The simple thing to do is tell her to remember to bring the permission the slip home so you can sign it, if she doesn't and signs for you there will be consequences. Otherwise it's kind of an asshole thing to do.
Dense-Passion-2729
Why are you literally building the hill you choose to die on? YWBTA.
SufficientComedian6
I told my kids please just sign my name and let me know about it. I mean seriously. They’re not selling their kidneys. They’re taking a bus somewhere or it’s a permission slip for some other school activity. Especially now when we have full access to see our kids grades and attendance, there aren’t any shenanigans going on. Ywbta. Just remind her.
The next day, the OP returned with an update.
"UPDATE: WIBTA if I grounded my daughter for forging my signature?"
Interesting_Golf_257
I've spent the last day + reading so many comments. I was blown away by the sheer number of responses, and I tried my best to read each one and to respond to as many as possible.
Most of the comments said that IWBTA if I didn't at least remind her, and then blow up at her in a "gotcha" moment. I completely agreed with that, so I sent her a text as a reminder before school, and followed up with two more face to face reminders after school.
Before I get to the update, I wanted to add that I did a lot of self reflection as a person and a father based on the comments that I read. Some really stuck out to me as they talked about adhd, discipline, and parenting.
I've saved a few to help me keep reflecting and growing as a person. Additionally, I set up an appointment with my daughter's doctor to see if we should be considering an adhd test.
Now for the update. After the third time politely reminding her to see the form yesterday, I asked her if she had signed my name on it already. She said she did. She signed it shortly after I asked her to bring it home for me to sign.
One of the great perspectives I got from the comments was that forging a parents signature for something this inconsequential isn't really a big deal. Some people disagreed and said forgery is forgery, and that was the perspective I had at the time I made the first post. Not anymore though.
She had let me know about the trip and I was ok with her going. Because of my reconsidered perspective I didn't get mad when she told me. I did what many advised me to do and I sat down with her and we talked.
We discussed that forgery is a crime, but because she had let me know about the trip and I was ok with her going, that I was ok with what she did. We're not perfect, but we do try our best. My hope is that moving forward with our relationship, I'll try to guide her instead of getting mad.
When we spoke last night, I made sure that I spoke calmly and not down to her. I said in a previous comment that I do think she's a good kid. She's got a lot on her plate right now and I'm no longer interested in adding to that.
I really want to thank the vast majority who offered their stories and considerations. One person questioned why I would even make this post, but I'm really glad I did.
Here were the top rated comments from readers after the OP's update:
idreaminwords
The only suggestion I have is that, rather than telling her you are okay with what she did, tell her that the decision disappointed you, but that you understand why she did it. Unless you're okay with her doing it in the future, you should make it clear that you expect for it not to happen again.
Humble_Plantain_5918
Yeah honestly it's not the forgery itself I have an issue with, it's that she was told not to do it and then did it anyway. Standard kid stuff, but the kind that really should be addressed.
SadievilleDraws
I saw the original post but not the update, I'm glad it turned out good. My parents would do the same thing to me (diagnosed with ADHD much later and they were so surprised) and all it did was make me want to involve them less, I'm glad OP isn’t making the same mistake.
ahsokaismydawg
And of course we get a comment where someone is projecting and making an armchair diagnosis based on something that they themselves have. Could the daughter have ADHD? Perhaps. But there is barely any information about the sister’s behavior except for this one short story that indicates anything about her.