Husband makes wife cry on son's birthday when he gives their nanny a gift. AITA?
When this man offends his wife, he asks Reddit:
"AITA for getting our nanny a gift for our son’s first birthday?"
My (39M) son’s first birthday is today. This morning I gave my wife (36F) a necklace that represents her relationship with our son and a personalized coffee mug with his pictures on it.
I let her know that I also got our nanny a keychain as a way of saying thanks that was meant to be given from both of us. I didn’t ask my wife for input on the gift because then she would have known I was going to surprise her with a gift as well.
My wife started yelling at me then crying, but when I asked her what was wrong she would not explain it to me. I think what it boils down to is she thinks I’m comparing her and our nanny, something I have never done.
I constantly tell my wife how awesome she is, and never do it in a way that compared the two of them. I also know for a fact that my wife adores our nanny and raves about her all the time.
I see the gift to my wife as a way of celebrating the person who carried him for nine months, has done a great job throughout the year, and will always be his mother. I see the gift to our nanny as a way of saying thanks for doing a great job.
They are not comparable. Since some people are sure to bring it up, my relationship with our nanny is 100% professional. AITA for choosing to get a gift for our nanny from the two of us?
Let's see what readers thought.
ousemouse writes:
NAH. I'm a nanny and I don't find your gift inappropriate, but I understand your wife's reaction. Even if it wasn't your intention, you have indeed compared your wife, the mother of this child, with the nanny.
You shouldn't have given her a present on your child's birthday, you should have given her a present on the anniversary of her contract or the day of her own birthday.
With this gift, you associated her with the birth of your son, as if she had something to do with it. Your wife was very happy to feel special and unique, then felt a lot less special when she saw that you were also giving the nanny a present, and I can understand her.
sorryiguess writes this thoughtful response:
Gently, YTA. And I say that as someone who has worked with young children off and on for over 30 years. It's lovely that you appreciate his nanny so much, and the wonderful job that she does caring for him.
And it's not at all inappropriate for you to acknowledge that AT THE APPROPRIATE TIME. The issue here is that your son's birthday is not the appropriate time.
I disagree with the people who say it's weird that you got your wife a gift. It really isn't. This was your son's first birthday, and your wife is the one who literally brought him into this world through her body (I'm assuming...feel free to correct me).
Only one year later, it is a beautiful gesture to acknowledge that, and to celebrate your son's birth both for him AND the one-year anniversary of your wife basically 3D printing a human inside of her body and then delivering him into the world...
which is an incredibly challenging, painful process that involves shifting organs, massive physical and hormonal changes, and so much more. Apologize. Not for appreciating the nanny, but for not understanding that the day to buy her a gift of appreciation is on the anniversary of her coming to work for you, or on HER birthday, or at Christmas (if you celebrate).
Or even just randomly for no reason at all "just because we so appreciate what you do for [son's name] and for our family".
Celebrating and acknowledging that one year one and saying, "Hey, look what you did and look how beautifully this little person turned out!" is a lovely thing.