Woman demands family accommodate wife's food issues; her mom refuses.
When this woman is upset about her wife, she asks Reddit:
'AITA for demanding my family accommodates my wife’s food issues?'
My (25F) wife (26F) has struggled with food all her life. She has struggled with both anorexia and ARFID to the point she became extremely underweight and has only since a year or two gotten better (weight recovered).
My wife has pretty bad eating habits (that she gets therapy for). She only eats late in the afternoon and in the evening, and she has very few foods she tolerates.
Usually she makes her own food, but often cooks for me, family and friends because she loves cooking and baking. The only sad thing being her not eating it herself.
The past three years she has hosted both our families in our home (talking cooking, getting drinks, making up games and everything).
Our most recent get together, she made around ten dishes (soups, salads, potatoes, meat, fish and many different desserts). She does this with a lot of enthusiasm, because cooking for her is a way to show love to people.
A few weeks ago we ate at my cousin’s (29M) place for a celebration, and he asked my girlfriend to bring her own food since he wanted to order.
She obliged because she never wants to make a hassle, but when we got home she started crying because she hates having to bring her own things and feeling left out, especially when she always tries to accommodate everyone (I have vegetarian and vegan family).
This past weekend we went to my brother’s (32M) place for our niece’s birthday, where they were planning on ordering food again. My wife said she was fine getting something to eat afterwards since she didn’t wanna cause a hassle again.
My brother said he wanted to order Indian food, but there was nothing at that restaurant my wife could eat. I asked if he could instead order at a pizza or burger place, or maybe even a Chinese restaurant where my wife could eat a side dish, but he refused.
My wife said it was fine, but I got angry, considering my wife always accommodates everyone (including this brother, who is vegetarian) but no one makes an effort for her. When he again refused I decided to leave.
My mom says no, come on, I’m being childish and my brother said I shouldn’t make such a fuss because my wife is difficult, but I said we wouldn’t host another event again until we got an apology. AITA?
Let's find out.
est666 writes:
Soft YTA. Your wife might love cooking for other people but they’re not demanding that she do so, she does it of her own accord.
Demanding that other people completely change their food plans to accommodate one person is a bit selfish, especially when you admit yourself that her needs are very specific.
It’s a bit like having to accommodate a severe food allergy - a lot of people feel too much pressure to get everything perfect. In cases like that, it is easier if the person with specific needs brings their own food.
servelendarrow agrees:
YTA. Bringing one's own food if one has eating/dietary issues is normal. I am a vegan with food allergies, and honestly, your wife crying over bringing her food and 'feeling left out' annoys me no end.
As for the entertaining she does; that's her choice- no one is holding the proverbial gun to her head.