Husband REFUSES to drive to WIFE'S family get together. 'It will be horrible.' AITA?
When this husband is annoyed with his wife, he asks Reddit:
'AITA For refusing to drive to my wife's monthly family get together?'
My wife (33F) and I (35M) have been married for 3 years. Her family is very tight-knit and every month they have a family get together at my wife's parent's house. It is always on Sundays because my wife's siblings have kids and they all have activities on Saturdays, so Sunday is the only free day everyone has.
They live a 3-hour drive from us. We always make a day-trip because obviously we have to work on Monday. Needless to say, it's a lot of driving in one day.
The get together is usually just a nice meal and some games, nothing too fancy or crazy. I like her family and enjoy hanging out with them, but there have been times when I don't feel like going and there's no hard feelings about not attending.
The problem is, that if I don't attend, my wife doesn't attend. She is a very anxious driver, especially on freeways and highways where aggressive drivers and semi-trucks tend to be more common.
She's never been in an accident or anything like that, she just doesn't feel comfortable driving long distances on freeways with speeding cars, it freaks her out. So if I don't go, she won't drive herself there.
There also isn't anyone else from her family that lives nearby could come pick her up without adding at least 2 hours to their drive.
Last month we didn't attend because I had just gotten back from a work trip and wanted to use that weekend to relax at home. My wife and in-laws understood. This month's get together is this coming Sunday. My wife is adamant that we attend this one because we missed the last one.
I told her I will go, but she is going to have to drive at least one leg of the trip, I don't want to be driving for 6 hours like every other time.
This started a fight because she said I know how much she hates driving on freeways and that's too far of a drive for her to keep from freaking out. I told her that if she wants to keep driving 6 hours in a day to see her family every month, then she's going to need to start driving at least half of it because I'm tired of doing all that driving by myself.
I told her that I will be with her in the car and will be a good co-pilot to keep her calm and focused. Unlike when I drive and she buries her face in her phone for 2/3 of the drive. I told her we can take it slow and easy and it will be good practice for her to become more comfortable with that type of driving.
She is not agreeing to this and is insisting that I drive like every other time because of her anxiety about it. I am refusing to budge and told her that this is something for her family so she needs to start putting in at least some effort to make it happen.
She thinks I am being a jerk about it and not taking her feelings into consideration and being dismissive of her anxiety. We have not come to an agreement on this yet, but I really don't want to give in. Driving 6 hours in a day can be exhausting and I'm tired of being the only one to do it. Especially when it's every month. AITA?
Let's see what internet users had to say.
samea13 writes:
NTA - Honestly, I think you're approaching it very fairly. 6 hours of driving is definitely a lot. It's not fair of her to expect you to bear that entire burden every time to visit her family without driving at least part of the distance, and you pointing out that you'll be there supporting her as copilot is the right approach.
I can understand how anxiety makes driving scary/hard for some people, but also, it's really not fair to expect you to be the only one making the sacrifice here.
(That said: have you guys considered maybe going on Saturday even if most of the rest of the family isn't available, and just entertaining yourselves that day or visiting with the family that aren't busy?
It might make for a more relaxing experience for both of you if you're not cramming the driving into a single day. It might depend on if her family has a place to put you up or if you can get a hotel/motel/air bnb nearby, but, still, an option).
erinloveslager writes:
NTA. It is very normal to take turns driving on long drives. Plus, driving on a freeway is just a normal part of operating a car—if she challenges herself to do it she'll get a lot more comfortable.
I understand anxiety is a b&%ch, but this particular anxiety towards freeway driving *has* to be impacting her life, and it is obviously impacting yours. She needs to grow up and find ways to get over it.
jacksonlove writes:
NTA and this sounds like a reasonable compromise! Her anxiety is her issue to deal with. Therapy if needed. She’s choosing not to deal with it or even attempt to try to overcome it.
Giving her experience driving on the highway with you with her could be a good way for her to build more confidence and comfort in herself. 6 hours is a lot of driving for one person in a day.