Husband tells wife he doesn't want a second child if she keeps her career. AITA?
When this man is upset with his wife, he asks Reddit:
"AITA for telling my wife I don't want to have a second child if she keeps her career?"
My wife has a career (that she loves) where she works for a company that is based in our city and travels around the country and the world for approximately 12-18 weeks per year.
In addition to those travel weeks, there are approximately 10 weeks per year where she is working in our city nights and weekends for 6 or 7 days per week (usually working all weekend with Monday off). So roughly half of the year she is either gone completely or working night time and weekend hours.
We have one child, and I am the primary breadwinner. Her job earns approximately 40% of what I make and her salary covers daycare costs and then a little bit.
When she is out of town for work, I have full responsibility for our child aside from the 8 hours per day that he is in daycare (during which time I have to work).
It has been very hard being responsible for our child when she travels and on so many weekends. I feel like a single parent. My job is demanding, and I usually have to work after putting him down for the night, and barely have time to clean the kitchen / house, etc, on top of my job.
I told her that I could support this career if we only have one child, but that if we have two (which is what we both want), that I don't think she can continue in her career.
I just don't see how I can manage two kids for so many mornings - taking them both to school, daycare, events, and evenings and weekends entirely by myself, all while I am working full time.
She called me "weak" and said she does not want to leave her job, but said that she will in order to have a second child. I fear she will quit and then resent me which will lead to bad times for all involved. AITA?
Let's see what readers thought.
thatitguy1968 writes:
NTA. If you want a job with this lifestyle you don't have kids. Oh and don't get me wrong fathers that are excessively absent due to work are the same.
You seem to be doing all the parenting, housework and holding down a full time job and getting no help from her. You are right there should be no 2nd child unless she is prepared to step down from work and step up as a mother.
naturalregular76 writes:
Just put in the divorce papers. Your wife sees your commitment to family as 'weak', while she's off on her optimistic journey towards self realisation - that only offers your family daycare. She deserves a 'real man', a 'strong' man. Let her go do her thing and pay her own way.
And you, you deserve a partner who shares your values, who appreciates spending time on your family, and who wants to take part in bringing up your offspring.
beejackson writes:
NTA - You will need to get over that she will resent you. She’s always going to resent that she can’t take advantage of you. I don’t like that she called you weak because it speaks to an imbalanced dynamic within your relationship.
Tell her that if she can’t be fair then divorce and splitting custody will force her to change her work schedule anyway. There’s no version of reality where she’s a parent who avoids parenting.