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Husband says he'll stop drinking if wife stops snacking, wife feels body shamed.

Husband says he'll stop drinking if wife stops snacking, wife feels body shamed.


When this husband is confused about his behavior, he asks Reddit:

'AITA for proposing my wife to stop snacking in exchange for me to stop drinking?'

I drink a few times a week, not enough to be considered over drinking by definition. Just a beer or two or a nice tequila/whiskey on the rocks while winding down after work. My wife snacks about the same amount.

Chips, candy, sometimes fruit covered in tajin etc. nothing crazy. I rarely eat snacks and she rarely drinks at home. I work out about 2 times a week, running, weights whatever I think my body needs. She goes walking 3-4 times a week.

She is constantly scolding me for drinking when I’m on my own and says that drinking is more for social situations. (She has the same opinion on recreational drugs) She comes from a family with past usage of both so I understand where she comes from but I know myself and I know that I’m not looking for a fix or to drown my problems.

Hmm...sounds like this guy isn't enough of an alcoholic for wifey to be mad? But who's to say! It gets weirder...

The other day she left the house to visit family, I had a drink and watched some tv and when she came home, like clockwork, smelled it on my breath and yelled at me even though I wasn’t intoxicated.

The day after, she said she felt overweight. And I did not validate her feelings, told her she’s not fat, she’s beautiful, etc. everything I usually do. (She has problems with body image so this is a normal occurrence).

Afterwards we watched our show together and she grabbed a bag of chips. I thought that it’s completely fine to eat these chips but I also thought that this needs to stop if she doesn’t want to gain weight.

The morning after I proposed that we both change our habits. I start drinking only in social situations while she starts eating unhealthy snacks in social situations. She said the situations aren’t the same.

Mine is almost alcoholism while hers is normal, I thought that because of social norms and her upbringing i can see why she would think that.

She now thinks that was my way of saying she’s fat, which she isn’t. I can see that she is upset and is holding back what she might want to say. I’m not sure how to proceed but I think my proposition was a valid one.

What I want to know is if ITA in this situation??

So, is hubby being an ahole? Reddit had some thoughts to share. Take a look!

nerdybook writes:

I'm going to give OP (the probably unpopular) NTA.

OP isn't trying to restrict his wife's food. He tried to make a suggestion of something they could both work on... him to drink less at home to appease his wife, and his wife because she's self conscious of her weight. His offer was a solution in order to maintain balance.

OP maybe you could try talking to you wife again but tell her you saw it as a way for you both to become healthier and be supportive to each other.

parsimonioussalad makes this interesting point:

ESH because you guys need to learn to talk and learn what moderation is, because it sounds like you both do what you like in moderation yet she's hounding you for what sounds like her issue with alcohol (which imo is a completely unreasonable stance) and you counter with criticizing her snacking.

you guys need to get some couple's therapy to learn how to communicate.

Well, looks like this couple needs some counseling. Or is OP being a striaght up AH? What are your thoughts?

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