I planned a trip with friends in January. We’ve been talking about it off and on every since and I’ve been looking forward to it! I told my husband and marked it on the calendar, with little reminders here and there.
Background: I have 4 kids (3 are staying the night elsewhere during the trip) and then the baby with my husband. I have not had friend time nor ever stayed the night away from my 7 month old baby.
I am a stay at home mom and work a bar shift every Thursday night from 6pm-1am. She is breastfed but will take a bottle (prefers the breast), eats solids multiple times a day, and sleeps with me at night.
Now the week of, when I’m working the bar shift, he sends me a video of her crying and refusing to sleep. He says there is no way I can go on the trip now because he would be up all night and she needs me.
I explained to him that I need this for my mental health as I never get to drink my coffee, eat, go to the bathroom, sleep, or shower alone. I know it was my choice to have 4 kids, but I need a mental breather for a day or two to reset.
He is saying I’m being selfish for going and it’s not the time to go. That he won’t get any sleep for 2 nights (he doesn’t work the next days as it’s the weekend) and that it’s selfish to leave our baby because she’ll be crying for me and needs her mommy. That I have trained her to be soothed by breastfeeding.
My friends will be bummed if I don’t go, and me even more. We have a healthy relationship and I don’t want it ruined by this trip. But, I am hurt because, I feel like I deserve this. So, moms and ESPECIALLY DADS, WIBTA going on this trip? Please help, I’m at a loss.
YWNBTA You need a break, so your Husband needs to step up as a Parent.
Thanks, I desperately need friend time and some drinks 🍹
NTA - She’s his child too. I am sure you have spent many a night sitting up with her crying.
He needs to learn how to look after his own child because it’s also his responsibility. This is just weaponized incompetence. Go on the trip, have a great time, you deserve it.
Thanks for validating my feelings. I’m just feeling guilty know she’ll take longer to settle for him and cry.
I just feel like he should be encouraging me to go.
He absolutely should. Having had a difficult time looking after her for ONE NIGHT he should see how much you need this.
NAH. My kid is 2 1/2. Never spent a night away from her. But her dad is very helpful with her so when she gets on my nerves, he takes over. I only have one at home though. You have four. Hmmm.
NTA. You didn't make your 4 children by yourself. He's their father and he can spend 2 nights with his baby without guilting you out about it. If he has a couple of nights where he doesn't sleep perfectly, oh well. He'll survive. And the baby will be fine too.
NTA, he's being manipulative with that video, you deserve a break and he needs to step up. Look after yourself and take a break!
NTA. She will take a bottle. He just doesn’t want to deal with much work it is taking care of 4 kids by himself and using her to make you feel bad. Hopefully he will have some more appreciation for all you do when you get home. And maybe his mom or your mom (or another family member) could come visit and help out while your gone?
NTA I think your husband is just getting nervous because your trip is so close now and it’s dawning on him how much work a baby is to care for all alone. Go on your trip, I’m sure everything will be fine. Maybe start putting the baby in a crib though. I know from experience that sleeping in the bed with you is a hard habit to break the older they get.