Mom makes son eat upstairs because of other son's phobia of hiccups. AITA?
'AITA for sending my son upstairs to eat because of his brother's phobia?'
This is a bit of an odd situation, so I figured I'd come to reddit for some fresh perspectives.
So, for the past I'd say three months, my older son Rex (15) always, and I mean always, gets hiccups midway through dinner. I'm not sure what kind of glitch is going on, I've had him checked out and apparently nothing is wrong except maybe eating too fast (he has tried slowing down but no luck).
Ordinarily this wouldn't be much of a problem, except my younger son Marshall (13) has a phobia of hiccups (yes, it's a real thing). He's been totally freaked out and usually had his hands clamped over his ears every time we sat down to dinner.
I felt really bad, his anxiety's terrible and it was beyond just him being annoyed. I've tried a lot of things, from hiccup remedies for Rex and some therapy for Marshall, but it just doesn't seem to be working.
Last week I decided Rex should just eat upstairs. I think he's old enough to not care as much about sitting at the table, plus the hiccups are embarrassing to him so I figured he'd enjoy the privacy.
Well my sister is a bigtime busybody, she's always asking my kids all kinds of invasive questions. I was the on the phone with her the other day and guess who's telling me a I'm a bad mother for daring to consider my child with a phobia.
I defended my position by acknowledging that yes, Rex might be feeling a slight amount of extra embarrassment because he has to eat upstairs, but honestly that's nothing compared to the terror his brother was experiencing when he was downstairs.
I don't think my sister understands the gravity of a phobia, she just thinks Marshall “doesn't like hiccups” and that's it, but then again she's always been dismissive of mental issues.
That said, I guess her words did have an effect on me because I'm still thinking about it now. AITA here for how I'm handling things?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
YTA. Poor Rex. He being locked away for something he can't control. I agree with your sister. You have taught Rex that he isn't important as his brother.
Did you ever consider that the emotional stress of all of this might be causing the hiccups at meal times? And shouldn't Marshall be taught to deal with his irrational fear? If anything, he should be the one banished for over reacting over something so frivolous /s 🥴🙄 YTA
YTA. I'm sorry that Marshall has a phobia but that doesn't mean that gets to dictate where his brother can eat. All that tells Rex is that you care more about his younger brother's feelings than his.
Marshall can wear noise cancelling headphones if the sound bothers him so much. Rex is going to grow resentful of mom and Marshall.
Why arent you banishing Marshall too? You're telling one son he doesnt matter because of the irrational fear of the other.
Why not stagger it so they rotate who eats with the family? Instead you completely locked one kid out for your golden child. YTA.
INFO: Is Marshall still in therapy? Does the therapist have any training/experience in children with phobias and how to get them past the irrational fear so they can function? Is there a plan in place for the long term? You can't just ban Rex from all family dining forever.
I am sorry but YTA. This is not a solution to send your other son to eat alone in his room while you all have family time. Frankly, I am appalled.
The obvious solution is to have one of your sons eat with you while the other eats with the other parent and alternate each other day until the hiccup stops.
Eating slowly, chewing for a longer time, drinking water during meals. It can help, hiding your son in his room doesn’t do anything else than making your son feel like a second class citizen.