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Man goes bouldering while wife recovers from emergency C-section, she calls him 'selfish.'

Man goes bouldering while wife recovers from emergency C-section, she calls him 'selfish.'


Having a baby is really hard work. Suddenly, your sleep schedule, your eating schedule, and your entire life is turned upside down. If you're partnered, you have to renegotiate all of the day-to-day stuff and figure out who has the capacity for what, all while trying to tend to your relationship as a couple as well.

Negotiating these boundaries is hard enough already, but extra hard when you're running on low fumes and there's a crying baby in your ear.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a new dad asked if he's wrong for exercising with a newborn.

He wrote:

AITA (M28) for exercising sporadically with a newborn?

First time posting here but I'm currently the proud father of a lovely 3 week old newborn girl who I love to absolute bits. My girlfriend gave birth via an emergency C-section after initially being induced and an infection occurring somewhere during the labour process. Fast forward 3 weeks and mum and baby are healthy, and we are extremely happy in our little newborn bubble.

I have done everything I can to make my partner's recovery as seamless as possible, this includes taking the evening shift 10-1/2 to occupy my baby whilst mum sleeps, ready for the disjointed sleep she gets between 2 and 7/8am. The baby is very well-behaved and operates in a 3-hour cycle of feed/sleep/feed and very rarely cries or is disgruntled (I'm quite surprised at how relaxed she is tbh).

I have been on paternity leave for two weeks (1 used while being induced/the other for initial newborn time), and have returned to WFH for 3 days across the last 2 weeks so am still present in the house. Now the issue has arisen that I enjoy bouldering once a week on a Wednesday from 8-10 and am home for 1030.

I have done this twice in the last couple of weeks and chose to go for a half-hour run this evening because work has been full-on and I needed to de-stress. All in all, I have probably been out the house for exercise for around 6 hours in two weeks.

My partner has taken great offense at my decision to do this because it's meant that she has missed out on a couple of hours of uninterrupted sleep because I haven't been here to occupy our baby downstairs.

This has resulted in her calling me selfish, distant, and uninterested for which I honestly believe I have not been because I've done nothing but wait hand and foot on her to ensure that she is in the best place physically and mentally.

We have kinda argued about this situation and in the moment I said I need the break in our current routine to exercise to ensure I don't go insane (I'm not going insane, I'm very much enjoying the newborn bubble but it's a figure of speech I used and it's been taken literally).

So question is, AITA for wanting to exercise whilst my GF is at home with a (very chilled) newborn?

The jury of Reddit weighed in with their thoughts.

Butt-Fudger wrote:

YTA. On average it takes at least six to eight weeks to recover from a c-section. Your partner was basically fileted so she could give birth to your baby. You're on maternity leave, not have fun and abandon your injured girlfriend leave.

Edit: appears OP already deleted their comments so I'll add it here:

LukeeeHU4L: I've left the house on my days I'm working and have the luxury of WFH so what if I had to go into the office and was out the hours for 8-9 hours a day.

And my response to that is:

Then you'd file for FMLA to stay home with your girlfriend to care for her, the home and the baby.

When my sister got a c-section with her twins I lived at her home for three months, I was able to do that because I filed for FMLA, it was approved until she got her restrictions lifted from her doctor. The only time I left was when it was necessary otherwise I didn't leave the house.

madelinegumbo wrote:


'...and we are extremely happy in our little newborn bubble...'

Except she is telling you that SHE isn't and that less than a month after an exhausting and dangerous pregnancy she wants more support and attention from you.

ThrowRA_boozebag31 wrote:

YTA. I call bulls**t that she's healthy after three weeks. My lady was wearing a diaper for more than two and she didn't have a C-section. and how cute, this man thinks this baby is always going to function on a 3-hour schedule! Did you get that in writing?

Stay home. You HAVE to rock climb? You cant do sit-ups for a couple of months. Not a month in and you're already 'so stressed' you have to leave the house? Buckle up buddy boy, I don't know if you're going to make it if you already can't make tiny sacrifices for the family. You need a break? Go grocery shopping.

By the way, what exactly does wife get to do to 'keep her from going insane'? When are you taking the baby so she can go out (if she even CAN with the breast feeding and all).

b*tchofeskar wrote:

I'm going with YTA. Your partner just had major abdominal surgery that resulted in bringing a baby into the world. It takes at least six weeks to completely recover from the surgery, (and at least 18 years to recover from the baby). I think you could manage to stay home until she has healed. She has to.

zombieqatz wrote:

YTA. Your partner had invasive surgery, birthed a child, and fought off a life-threatening infection and you want her to be able to be on her own with no support after 18 days? Why would you treat anyone that way, let alone someone you love? Would you want to be treated the way you have been acting, truly?

FreekDeDeek wrote:

I f**king love bouldering. But I could go a couple of weeks without it if I needed to help my partner recover from literal surgery - with my newborn in the house. I understand you need to take your mind off things sometimes, but so does your gf.

You need to find other ways to relieve stress at home, or by going for a 10-minute walk around the block. You and your gf need to talk to each other and come up with ways for her to do the same. You need to be 100% supportive and reliable for your gf and your child, at least for the next 3-6 weeks. YTA.

Clearly, OP is a giant AH who needs a bit of a reality check.

Sources: Reddit
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