Man tells brother that his adoptive son will never be a real part of this family. AITA?
When this man tells his brother what the family thinks of his adoptive son, he asks Reddit:
'AITA for telling my brother that his adoptive son will never be a part of our family?'
My brother got remarried a few years ago. He also has a 14 years old daughter from a previous relationship. His wife is infertile so they decided to adopt a baby boy. A few days ago my niece showed up at my home, while crying her eyes out. She had her suitcase next to her.
She told me her dad has asked her to pack all her stuff because she is going to live with her mom from now on. She packed her stuff and came here instead because she doesn't get along with her mom.
To say I was fuming is an understatement. I comforted her for a while and then asked my wife to look after her while I went to my brother's house. I admit I lost my temper and we got into a fight.
He thinks I'm overreacting and told me that his daughter has been hostile toward their son which is why he did this and said that she will still spend every weekend with them. He said that he just wants to start fresh with his new family.
I told him he can have his new family then but him and his son are no longer a part of our family and will never be. I then contacted all of our extended family and let them know about what happened.
Yesterday was his son's welcoming party in which he wanted to introduce his son to everyone and apparently no one showed up. Now he thinks we are all AHs for not treating his son like family and keeps asking us if we would behave the same way if this was his bio son.
Let's see what internet users had to say.
pippysky1648 writes:
NTA. However, OP, please keep a space in your heart for the baby. He doesn't have any fault here, and it's very possible that given how your brother treated his daughter, he'll also need support sometime in the future, and he already may have abandonment issues having been adopted.
goodmanufacture writes:
NTA, she’s 14 so she doesn’t drive, he told her to pack and go to moms but she ended up at you house. So to me that means he just pushed her out the front door and didn’t even care where she actually ended up.
Honestly in a few years when this new marriage goes down hill he will no doubt do the same thing to his son. Or the trauma from being adopted will be to much for them and they will just post him to one of those Facebook sites where you can sell and trade adopted children.
comfortabletito0 writes:
NTA. Your reaction may have been a bit extreme, but I feel it is justified. 14yo was acting like a normal child when a new sibling is brought home. My sis and I are 7 years apart and she definitely had the same feelings growing up where she felt like I took more of our parents attention away, but she grew to love me so much she chased me down when I tried to run away at like 5yo.
If Mom had kicked her to her bio dad after she displayed signs of jealousy then we would have no relationship and my sister would have more mental health problems from that trauma. Sounds like your brother faced some tough parenting moments and instead of rising to the occasion, he took the easy way.
Wouldn’t be shocked if in another 4 years the niece cuts off all contact herself if things dont change. The fact that he said he wants to “start fresh” with a new wife and child makes it seem like he regrets having the 14yo niece in the first place, in which case he is a horrible parent who doesn’t understand the idea of parenting. Also wouldn’t be shocked if the new baby is replaced as well in about 10 years.