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Man asks brother to donate sperm after bro's life is 'totally ruined.' AITA?

Man asks brother to donate sperm after bro's life is 'totally ruined.' AITA?


When this man is concerned that he may have asked too much of his brother, he asks Reddit:

"AITAH for asking my brother to donate sperm after his life was ruined?"

Well this is a story. My brother 32 has been married to my SIL for 12 years. It was discovered she had been having an affair for a year and a half with an older man at work. When my brother confronted her she gas lit him into thinking he was the problem and her cheating was a result of his actions in the marriage.

He had been very comfortable and with four children.. distracted of course. So had she. My wife and l asked him two years ago to be a sperm donor and he seemed okay with it but his wife was not. She said his sperm belonged to her.

During his separation, his life totally ruined according to him, it was me he leaned on, his sister (30yrs. old).He moved in with us because when she left and moved to her moms she left all the bills too and he couldn't afford it.

We were just chatting one night.. many of which were hours long conversations about his cheating wife and it got brought up how he was okay with donating to us.

I told him that it would be awesome and he said he was then and would be now, HONORED. My wife and I stated we were okay with waiting a while to see how things played out and to avoid him making a rash decision.

He reiterated he was fine with it and wanted to gift us with a family. (Wife and I married 5 years)We went through with it, three days in a row he donated in a cup and you can guess the rest from there.

A month later.. his wife is willing to work it out after finding out he was briefly texting with a nice woman. So.. I encouraged him that if he wanted to fix his marriage then do it for real.

Be a man and lead your family.. but don't take a step back in without knowing you are forgiving her transgressions. He did.We spoke a week later and I told him my wife was indeed pregnant and he wanted to hide it from his wife. I was very uncomfortable with this.

I told him he couldn't repair a marriage for real if it wasn't based in honesty. When he told his wife she flipped.. honestly.. to be expected. The information was a tough one to take I'm sure. But after the days went by she started making comments about how we would either have to move away or give them the baby.

How we were vultures and took advantage of him.. she placed all blame on us.She wanted to go to thanksgiving so decided to show after we had a friendly conversation. Everything was mellow and no negative feelings or comments were made.

Now. The week after thanksgiving she is back in the blame us, we are the monsters thing. Here is why I truly don't give a shit what she thinks. She went to Christmas and didn’t speak a word to us. Which is fine and we kept the peace as well. She is now.. two months after reconciliation want to use this as a reason to divorce.

She still works with the guy she had an affair with and has been brutal to my brother everyday with accusations and verbal abuse about past transgressions. She ripped out my brothers heart after 12 years and four kids. That said, we need sperm. She never owned her part in that.

She refuses to quit her job where the affair started and does not allow my brother to even mention it. He is to trust her blindly as she snoops his phone and questions him.

(He is a faithful man.She is the only woman he has ever been with) She expected my brother to call her in the middle of a "divorce" to ask her permission on a decision that is his to make.

She has handled this with the emotional maturity of a 12 year old. Throughout our lives she has been cruel and disrespectful to many family members and made a big deal about how my older brother (I have three) didn't speak to her at Thanksgiving..(he is scorned by her betrayal).

Her audacity is mind blowing. I feel bad for my brother who wanted to do a kind thing but also can only hope she sets him free to be a woman worth of his love and loyalty. AITA?

Let's see what readers thought.

adeffective95 writes:

YTA. See... Normally you wouldnt be, bit you were on the sidelines watching this all go down. And people in these situations dont have their heads screwed on straight. The gaslight doesn't end when the person closes their mouth, It also affects te persons thoughts speaking the gas lighters words.

You should have told him straight-up what time it is. Not this wishy washy ' Make your own decision" BS Thats like asking an addict to decide between the next hit and rehab while he is in withdrawals.

Not to mention you were happy to take advantage of his addled state and take him up on his offer wihout giving him enough time past the seperation. Although I dont see it as that important. The act was an overall good in more ways than one...

But if he oppened up about wanting to name you as beneficiary of your estateand you were like "you sure? ... OK" then that would provoke a raised eyebrow from me. To some people sperm donation is just as much of a big deal.

individual6 writes:

NTA about the baby but the only thing I could blame you for is not discouraging your brother from getting back with this cheating narcissist as hard as possible and even giving him advice on how to reconcile with her "properly" as if there were any way to reconcile at all.

noserve6 writes:

YTA for encouraging him to go back to the cheater.

bluegree7 writes:

NTA. HIs body, his choice. Now where have I heard that before? Let me think.

Your SIL sounds like a real treasure. Hopefully, your brother will realize what kind of creature he is married to and kick her to the streets where she belongs. Good luck with your new baby!

Jury's out on this one. What do YOU think?

Sources: Reddit
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