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Man confides in ex's mother about why she dumped him. AITA?

Man confides in ex's mother about why she dumped him. AITA?

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When this man tells his ex's family why she dumped him, he asks Reddit:

"AITA for telling her family why she dumped me?"

My ex and I had been together for 2 years and had moved in together for nearly a year at that point. She was 32F so I knew she was really serious about starting a family.

I 30M also wanted a family but I wasn’t in a position to start one as I worked a min wage job ($16/h) which wasn’t enough to pay for an apartment by myself or really enough to live on.

She was in a middle management role and use to be an accountant so she makes six figures. She paid for more of the joint expenses like food and housing but I contributed what I could.

I didn’t have any saving even with her help and before we dated I was making it paycheque to paycheque with 3 roommates. I do have a degree in political science but never was able to find a job that required one. I had found a job that paid $24/h doing government reception work but it was a maternity placement so I only stayed 6 months.

My ex’s family really like me and treated me well but I’m not sure if they like me or just like that I’m a man that could have a child with her. She admitted her parents are super obsessed with her having kids and while she wants them too she feels rushed by them.

I’m retrospect I think she settled for me because we were friends before that and i think she knew I had a crush on her but didn’t say anything. She was in another relationship before me and I think they were talking engagement and he didn’t want or something like that.

Anyway my ex broke up with me a few months ago. She gave the landlord notice she wouldn’t be renewing the lease and gave me 2 months so move telling me we were over.

I was shocked and felt it came out of no where and asked her why and she admitted she didn’t want to be the sole breadwinner and I wasn’t really homemaker material so she doesn’t want to struggle though life doing everything. I do my share of the housework and I can cook.

My cooking isn’t as good as hers but I do 3 nights of cooking a week. This is something we didn’t really talk about and I felt she basically made the decision for both of us. I told her she never said she felt bothered by my pay and she knew I didn’t make much before we started dating.

She admitted she thought she could handle it but knowing we both rely on her income is stressful and I’m not career focused so she will need to be the breadwinner and it’s not want she wanted.

I didn’t have a choice as she said she was already looking into another apartment and I can’t afford this one myself so we parted and broke up a week ago. I’m back living with my mom temporarily as I can’t find a place in my price range.

Her mom called me on Sat and asked why we broke up and I probably should have said something like we are incompatible but I was pretty hurt and felt like I had no one to talk to so I just told her everything my ex had said.

She called me last night to yell at me for telling her mom because she mom demanded she get back together with me to have kids as she’s getting endlessly pestered by her that she’s so old and not going to be able to have kids.

I just hung up and feel a little bad because I kind of knew the situation but I felt like if her mom asked I could answer truthfully. But AITA here?

Let's see what readers thought.

harveysnake writes:

NTA. As long after you didn't lie, exaggerate, omit important details, or otherwise misrepresent what happened then you were honest. If the truth is a problem for your ex that's her problem not yours and even if you were still together I think lying to her mom would not have been ok. She needs to figure out how to create healthy boundaries with her parents.

As a side note, your ex had valid reasons to break up with you. It doesn't sound like the relationship ever had a good foundation like she was only with you because she thought you would be a good father to the kids she felt pressured to eventually have and not because she loved you enough as a possible husband.

Also, anyone that worried about what their parents think would have let them interfere in their relationship and they may have called some of the shots in the relationship without you knowing. Things would have ended badly if it continued. Keep at it and you will land in your feet both professionally and romantically.

portmanteu writes:

YTA and number of people saying the opposite here "because you said the truth" is ridiculous. Being an adult is way more than saying the truth, it is being responsible for what you says. You did not have to lie.

You could just say "it is private between us", as normal adult. Parents are not part of your relationship, it is private thing between you and your partner and you are not obligued to share any details regarding it. But you were hurt and you acted like asshole and you know it.

Everyone have all the right to break with another person for whatever reason you want. We are talking about life partners here. Would you share with them the same if the reason for that was your penis being to small? I do not think so, because that would be not comfortable for you. Here you gave zero Fs about it, so you just said what you said.

simmerdownboilup writes:

ESH. Your ex has to handle her pressures from her parents. Her decision to end the relationship is fine, but it's not on you how your ex handles her mother's pressure. You suck because your ex's family isn't your support system. They are not the people you talk to about this problem.

The ex's mother calling you was very obviously not about you, and instead of seeking out support from your friends and family, you dumped it all on a person with very clear motives that are not actually about your best interest. A simple "that is a conversation for you and your daughter." would be enough.

Sure, you answered "truthfully" and good for you, I guess. But you shouldn't have answered at all. The ex's mother sucks because she's putting her wants over everything else. She doesn't care about you. You are only a means to an end. It's selfish and disgusting.

equivalentrant6 writes:

You just said the truth. NTA Is it to late to try another major? I think this will be a trouble in all your future relationships. I do sugest you try to improve your life. Search a little about other companies that are hiring or try another work field that is offering growth inside company.

Don't settle on your current work. You will need much more in the future and if you tried to get back with EX and became a house husband, you would still need to cover some bills. Best of luck in the future.

Looks like the jury's out here. What do YOU think?

Sources: Reddit
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