Man doesn't want orthodox ceremony for 2 yo son; family is taking sides. AITA?
When this man is annoyed with his parents and wife, he asks Reddit:
"AITA for being angry for not wanting an orthodox ceremony for our son?"
This may sound pretty stupid, nevertheless I want to post it here and hear your opinion. My (36) parents, in-laws and wife (34) want to have this orthodox ceremony for our son (2), and I am against it.
While my wife was pregnant and during the first few months after birth, she agreed with me. Later, my in-laws visited us, and she visited them a few times and suddenly she changed her decision and now wants to have this ceremony.
Or rather, she wants to do it for her parents. I am against this, because it celebrates the orthodox hierarchy system and all the hypocrisy it comes with it.
A year or so back, my wife agreed to it as I wanted my son to be out of this age-old orthodox mindset and to be better than that. I lengthily spoke to all my family members about why I want to opt out and why I have another opinion and that I want my son to grow in a different and a better way.
Now, if I do it (because of their pressure), I will be a laughing stock as my words mean nothing and it would just be seen as an immature rant.
Additionally, this ceremony must be done by the father as the mother has no rights (a patriarchal mindset). So, I am in a way, just the last piece in the puzzle.
It was also shocking to hear that my wife is ok with the patriarchal mindset for this ceremony because it makes her parents happy. To summarize, I am the only one not happy about it and everyone is angry at me for making a big fuss about it.
We are a Hindu family and my parents and in-laws are of Brahmin caste. The ceremony is harmless but if I do it, there will be many more to follow with similar arguments.
I even offered that I will be out of it and that my wife can do it in my stead. But no, the religion does not allow women to do it. Only the father should. And that is one of the many view I completely reject. AITA?
Let's see what readers thought.
liestricks writes:
NTA. Never compromise on what is best for your son to appease others. Not even your wife and especially not your inlaws.
Also if they actually believed this the othodox system then they would respect your choice. Their subversion of it for their own priorities is more damaging and disrespectful to that system then your outright refusal.
janeaustenfungi writes:
ESH it's an important and wonderful family occasion to celebrate your child and bring them into a community. It would benefit the child. Too bad you're against it.
topartichoke5020 writes:
YTA. Are you paying attention to yourself? You keep talking about the "patriarchal mind set", the "orthodox hierarchy system" and "hypocrisy ". The child is 2 years old, exactly how is this ceremony going to instill all that in him?
Those are all attitudes that are taught throughout their lives not suddenly ingrained in them by a ceremony. Make the grandparents happy and then spend your time instilling more progressive thinking into your son.