Man gets revenge on wife when she 'disrespects' his sick mother. AITA?
When this man is upset with his wife during a family crisis, he asks Reddit:
"AITA for taking my wife’s gift?"
Hey there. I’ve been going through a lot so I will try to make this as brief as possible. I (36M) have been married to my wife (37F) for almost seven years but we’ve been together for 10. We’ve had very high highs and very low lows. Things have been worse in the past than they are now. My wife has a temper and I tend to shut down.
During the course of the last 5 years or so, my mom was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. During our last blowout argument, where my wife was pushing me to talk to her I said I would rather divorce her than do what she wanted me to do (for the record, it was to apply to higher paying jobs.
I have a graduate degree but I’ve been biding my time for the right position to find me rather than going out there to look for anything.) My wife got upset who then called my mother, crying and complaining about me. Again, she was sick and the doctor told her she needed to avoid stress.
I laid into my wife and lost a fair amount of respect for her. She asked me for a divorce and it seems like that’s where we were headed, but after a couple months, we were communicating better, that seemed to melt away and we became loving again. My wife did end up apologizing to my mother and they were on good terms.
My mother took a turn for the worst and sent my wife a check to be used for airfare for Christmas to come visit, however, the terrible, inevitable has happened and my mother passed.
My wife flew me down to be with her before the end but not before, in my opinion, starting an argument about my drinking. (The disagreement started two days before the emergency flight, and subsided the next day because I refused to talk to her about it.)
When I got home, and she asked about flying to my hometown for the holidays, I told her that she needed to use that check mom sent in her name for my half of the mortgage and she would need to pay for her airfare out of her own pocket. In my view, that money is coming from my parents, therefore, it’s mine. This way she’s still benefitting, it’s going towards the house.
When I told my wife this, I could tell she was upset but she didn’t press the issue. I can see why I WBTA, but considering it’s going to a shared expense, I think it’s a wash.
Let's see what readers thought.
jigglypuff writes:
Surely you know YTA? Sorry for the loss dude but it sounds like: You don’t know how to communicate (no proof of your wife having a temper was shared) despite your wife trying to get you to talk to her and open up. You threaten divorce when your wife asks you to step up, and tries to communicate with you.
You are a lazy mooch who worked a “flexible” job for years and made your wife shoulder the financial burden while you waited until a better opportunity fell in your lap a month ago. You are controlling, telling her how to spend the money your mother gave her that was intended for a specific purpose.
Based on your wife being upset about your drinking, and the fact you had no money, and the fact your mom provided funds for you to fly to visit in your wife’s name and control it sounds like you can’t be trusted with money because you’re an alcoholic who will spend it on that.
And based on points one and two, it sounds like you’d prefer to continue being a lazy alcoholic and get divorced than be a true partner to your wife. Fear not, I’m sure the divorce is in your near future.
consworth9 writes:
YTA, your mother gave that money for a specific reason, even in with her death you don't have the authority to dictate the use of the funds.
Also your wife is correct, no job is going to magically find you. You need to apply for better work. Your wife is struggling and has lost respect for you as a man. You've got to get it back or you might as well divorce.
randymeek writes:
Where's your wife "having a temper" and you "shutting down"? It seems from your own description that you're the one who has rage problems and defaults to lashing at when presented with justified (although inconvenient to you) concerns. I hope for her sake your wife is planning her way out.