When this man feels closer to his step children than his bio children, he asks Reddit:
I haven't had the closest connection with my 4 children over the past few years and have recently gotten married during that time as well. My new wife has 3 children who I am trying to get closer with as well.
All of them are 20+ if that helps. Since marrying my wife I have gone on 3 vacations and had 2 holidays with my wife and step children (Christmas and Thanksgiving without my actual children being invited).
Now my children seem more upset with me and have called me out for a lack of communication which I have tried to do better about. However, this Thanksgiving my Wife and I have made plans again with my wife's family and have failed to invite my children and only invited my step children since this is my wife's side of the family.
Am I the asshole? Or are my kids over reacting? I am actually one of the children. I tried to make this post unbiased but I'm sure it's a little biased as I obviously can't completely put that aside.
It seems my dad has chosen to replace us with religion (he randomly became a preacher after never being religious in his life), and his new family. Didn't see an option to post as a Are They The Asshole so posted it this way. AITA?
YTA. You know what your kids probably think? That you've booted them out the door and replaced them with a whole new family. Because that's what you've done. "I'll be better about communication! Oh, and we're all going on vacation. Well, not you, but everyone else."
I mean, yah. Not inviting your own kids to thanksgiving does make you an asshole. Always. Why does this stuff always go on with men? Like, you're just assuming that now that you have a new wife, your "old" family and children don't count anymore? Women don't do that when they get a new husband.
Queer people don't pull that. What is up with straight men that they think their relationships are only moderated through their wives? (OK, I'm generalizing here. And maybe that's wrong, but you have to know, this is a trend and it's not cool.)
It's time for YOU to reach out to your adult children and keep up your relationships with them. Do a 2nd thanksgiving if you need to. YOU put the work into maintaining a relationship with YOUR children. Not your new wife. YOU.
I'm in a new relationship, too. I have my step kids here for Thanksgiving. But guess what? When my brother and his kids plans fell through, we invited him over immediately. He's family. My new relationship doesn't change that. It's going to be very crowded here, but we'll manage. Family is family. YTA.
YTA-it appears to me that you have sidelined your own children to curry favor with your wife and step children. Why is that? Why didn’t you invite your children to the Thanksgiving? After all, her side of the family are now family to your children-aren’t they?
Sounds like your step children are now the priorities and you don’t care about your own children. Let me add a bit of prediction to this story. If you keep going in the same manner you have been, your children will no longer want any to do with you.
All they see is that their father no longer cares for them and no longer wants to be around them. Way to go dad-does this make you feel like father of the year for this?