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'Am I (22M) TA for leaving when my mom forced me to meet my 1yo daughter?'

'Am I (22M) TA for leaving when my mom forced me to meet my 1yo daughter?'


"AITA (22M) for leaving when my mom forced me to meet my daughter?"

Hi guys, this is my first post and English isn't my native language. So earlier this year a girl I ONCE hooked up with texted me and told me she has a 1-year-old daughter and I might be the father. I didn't wanna believe her but we took a paternity test and it turned out I really am the father. She didn't tell me she was pregnant.

She didn't tell me when my daughter was only told me when my daughter was 1 year old! This and other circumstances led to me not wanting anything to do with her or my daughter. Of course, I will pay child support, but she didn't give me any chance to bond with her. Well, my mother LOVES children and immediately got in contact with the mother and met the child.

They've been very close and meeting regularly. I have no problem with that AT ALL. I just don't wanna meet her myself. Okay so now to the story: My mom broke her foot and needs help at home, so I 'moved' back in to support her. I helped her with her cats, with food, and household stuff.

A few days ago I met with a friend and came home very late and slept until 1PM when I was woken up by some voices coming out of my mom's bedroom. Mind you, she doesn't have a door and I'm sleeping in the living room, also without a door. So I listened to the voices and it really was the mother and my child. I didn't wanna meet them, see them, hear them, or whatever.

I was so mad that my mom would do this to me without waking me up so I can leave. I just got up and left the house. Later that day I got an angry text from my mom AND my grandma saying I'm a horrible son for just leaving. My grandma said some hurtful stuff about me being like my father. I'm so confused right I really the AH for just leaving because she invited two people I didn't wanna see?

People had a lot to say.

thirdtryisthecharm wrote:

YTA. You can bond with a 1yo. Your objection is arbitrary - if you just don't want to be in your kid's life, be honest about that and accept the consequences of that.

Miss___D wrote:

YTA. You are both a bad son and a bad father. The mother of your daughter is also an a-hole, as she should have told you earlier about the baby, but now you know about her and don't want anything to do with her? Awful.

It would be awful even if you learned about your daughter when she was much older so it would be much more difficult to bond with her, let alone now when she is 1 and if you meet her, she won't even remember her life before meeting you.

BigusDickus79 wrote:

NTA. All the bu%#hurt commentors seem to think the child would be better off with a Dad that clearly wants nothing to do with her.

winchester4life9865 wrote:

YTA. I wonder what your “fresh new girlfriend” thinks of you being an absentee father? Does she even know you have a kid? She doesn’t care that you show zero consideration for your daughter? That is such a huge red flag in a relationship, honestly.

applepiechan wrote:

NTA. If a mother has a child but doesn’t want it, people generally are okay with it. She can give them up for adoption, whatever. You clearly sound like you didn’t want a child and now everything is too rushed. However you still can bond with the child, but if you don’t want it, then that is honestly okay.

You pay child support, which is your legal obligation. But anything else? Come on, this guy clearly sounds like he didn’t want it. It happened, but trying to force a relationship or a bond won’t make things easier.

After receiving lots of conflicting feedback, OP jumped on with some clarifications.


Let me clear up a few things:

Yes we used protection.

I'm not 100% sure about my choice, I just need more time...I get that my daughter is here NOW but I need more time to prepare myself as I didn't get 9 months like the Mother of my child.

My father was in my life but was a sh*^^y dad and that's why I don't wanna rush a decision ( I think it would be better for daughter to not have me present instead of me not being good enough for her).

I slept so long because I was TALKING to my friend for so long...not drinking or stuff like that. It was a Saturday.

It seems like the real looming question here isn't about whether OP is TA for that one exchange with his daughter and mom, but more whether he's TA for his overall attitude towards fatherhood.

Sources: Reddit
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