Man leaves for work without taking son to daycare because he's not ready on time.' UPDATED.

At a certain point, you have to get out the door for work - whether everyone's with you or not.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a man asked if he was wrong for not taking his son to daycare because he wasn't ready yet. He wrote:

"AITA for making an “if he’s not ready on time, he stays home” policy against my wife’s wishes?"

My wife [31F] an I [33M] have a 3-year-old boy. He currently goes to daycare during the day. I generally drop him off, and then my wife's mother will pick him up. My wife cannot drive so she unfortunately cannot take him. I have found that if I get my son out the door by 8:45, I can get him to daycare and then be on time for work.

Unfortunately, my wife tends to drag her feet with getting him fed and ready, so she has caused me to be late multiple times. I am in a field where I simply cannot be late, and therefore this situation is unacceptable. I have been late four times since he started going to daycare, and my wife has only gotten less consistent.

Last Wednesday, I realized that if I waited for my wife to get him fully ready, I’d be late to work. I simply walked out the door. She called me screaming angrily, but I told her that if she didn’t want him to stay home, she should have had him ready on time. The next day she managed to get him out right at 8:45, but on Friday it became clear again that she was going to cause me to be late.

I just walked out the door. She texted me multiple times, and when I got home at around 11pm, she had a lot to say about it. I don’t think I’m the AH for my policy seeing as I simply cannot afford to be late to work, but I wonder if there’s something I’m not seeing here.

People shared their comments and questions.

WifeofBath1984 had a key question:

Wait, you leave at 8:45 a.m. and don't get home until 11 p.m.? I'm not saying you're wrong. More info is needed, but it's starting to make sense why daycare is necessary.

And OP responded with a clarification:

I have two jobs. We cannot afford our current lifestyle and daycare on my daytime job salary alone.

spaceship540 wrote:

NTA - this is completely and utterly ridiculous. You are working 13 hours, not getting home till 11pm, and then doing chores before you go to bed?? Your wife - doesn’t drive, doesn’t work, doesn’t look after the kid all day and STILL cannot get him sorted on time so you can take him to daycare and be at work on time and not loose your job.

The job that’s paying for her entire lifestyle to do nothing This is a bigger problem than the kid not being ready on time. This is a come-to-Jesus talk time with your wife.

Sea_Order1938 had some questions:

I’m conflicted. Does your wife also work a job that makes having your son at home difficult? Have you discussed with her some ways to make sure that she can get your son ready in time for you? Is there a reason you can’t help in the morning so that you know your son won’t make you late? This is you and your wife’s son so why is it only her responsibility to make sure he’s ready on time?

And OP updated with some answers:

"Does your wife also work a job that makes having your son at home difficult?"

She does not work.

"Have you discussed with her some ways to make sure that she can get your son ready in time for you?"

I have not.

"Is there a reason you can’t help in the morning so that you know your son won’t make you late?"

I sleep until about 8:20.

"This is you and your wife’s son so why is it only her responsibility to make sure he’s ready on time?"

Multiple reasons. I must sleep until 8:20 to get even 7~ hours.

Drezhar wrote:

NTA. After reading the comments, I'm sorry to be blunt, but your wife is dead weight. You're outright just financing her doing whatever she wants while you work your butt out all day long. That's not how it works and quite frankly I would have started to suspect either cheating or just that she's exploiting you so she can keep being unemployed and doing what she wants all day.

And on top of this, she can't even manage to drag herself out of bed and be ready by 8:45. The vast majority of us will be on the highway by 7:00 to go to work. Personal advice: put your foot down that she either gets a job or becomes a sahm, so you can maybe drop a job if you have multiple or work less hours, save on daycare and maybe spend more time with your kid.

I only say the kid because quite frankly, in my humble opinion, your wife couldn't care less about you.

Away-Bass-4736 wrote:

NTA based on your comments/follow-ups.

This situation seems really untenable. You're working two jobs and she seems like she barely fulfills the SAHP role at all. What does she do all day?