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Man refuses to childproof house for grandson. 'I've given my daughter too much.' AITA?

Man refuses to childproof house for grandson. 'I've given my daughter too much.' AITA?


When this young grandpa is upset with his living situation, he asks Reddit:

"AITA for refusing to childproof my house?"

My wife and I have a daughter [23] called Katie, who has an almost 1 year old son named Jesse. Katie still lives at home with us, which isn’t ideal, but we’ve had to make do with the situation.

My wife has basically become a second mother to Jesse and we have both been helping out Katie as much as possible, as Katie and the father are no longer together. He still does his part but since Katie still lives with us, Jesse is with us most of the time.

I would rather not have Katie still living with us but she had nowhere else to go so we couldn’t kick her out with a child. My wife doesn’t have as much of a problem with her living at home as I do, but the main thing that annoys me is that Katie spends her money on stupid things that she doesn’t need instead of saving up for her own place. We’ve given her so much and she basically just throws it back in our faces.

Jesse is starting to walk around furniture and is getting more adventurous, so Katie bought corner protectors and cabinet locks to put around the house as well as baby gates.

She came to me and asked me if I could help her put them on stuff and put up the gates, but I told her that I didn’t want to start putting all of that around my house.

She said we need them up to keep Jesse from hurting himself, but I reminded her that Jesse has a whole nursery that he can learn to walk in, so he doesn’t need to be walking around the kitchen or living room or any other room, and it’s her responsibility to make sure he doesn’t injure himself.

We got into an argument about it and I basically told her she should he saving her money to get her own place where she can do whatever she wants instead of buying more things to put in my house.

She got pretty upset but I think she got the message because she hasn’t talked about putting them up since.

My wife asked me why I wouldn’t help her out and I told her that if we start childproofing our house, it will give Katie the impression that we’re willing to accommodate her and Jesse for as long as she wants and that she can live with us for god knows how long.

I just don’t want her thinking her that she can live with us forever because as much as I love her and Jesse, the sooner they move out the better because it’s a lot of extra work for my wife and I. AITA?

Let's see what readers thought.

mamapielondon writes:

So I saw your comments before you started to edit and/or delete them - specifically the one where you reveal she works and pays you rent. You appear to have tried to then hide this information when the responses didn’t favor you.

It’s notable that people voting N T A call Katie a freeloader, who does pay rent (according to you she does) and/or doesn’t work (again, according to you she does that too). If you had included this info in your post, or not tried to delete your comments, those people might not have sided with you.

And that’s the crux: you deliberately manipulated information in an attempt to sway the voting. Just like you are prepared to deliberately endanger your grandson to get your daughter to move out. It’s genuinely concerning to see someone stoop to such tactics just to get their own way.

You criticize Katie for not being adult enough to move out, but you aren’t adult enough to sit down and have a constructive conversation about it. And there’s nothing adult about manipulating the information you share here to get people on your side. YTA.

mlachick writes:

YTA - babies don't exclusively live in the nursery unless you're living in an 18th century castle. As they get more mobile, they can hurt themselves VERY quickly, even when they are being constantly monitored. Your lack of concern for the safety of your grandchild is pretty disturbing.

Housing prices are insane, and most young adults your daughter's age are living with their parents, regardless of whether they have kids or their own.

It sounds like you're pissed that your daughter is a single mother and determined to make her feel unwanted, even though she is your daughter and paying you rent. Get over yourself before your wife decides to kick you out and keep the daughter and grandchild.

allafantasy writes:

YTA. A baby lives in your house. Regardless of how much longer, that’s where he lives right now. Babyproofing is required for a baby who’s starting to walk around if they’re to be kept safe.

And you seriously want to just confine the kid to a single room? You think that’ll be good for him? And do you seriously not understand that even if your daughter followed her son all over the house that accidents can still happen, so babyproofing is needed regardless?

I also saw in some comment that your daughter pays you rent, yet you want her to be saving money for her own place. That doesn’t make a lot of sense.

She’d be out a lot faster if she wasn’t paying you. I’m also wondering what “stupid things” she’s buying? Is it stuff she actually does need (like, I don’t know, babyproofing stuff) but you refuse to understand the necessity, or is it ACTUALLY frivolous stuff she’s blowing her money on? Something tells me it’s (at least mostly) the former.

Looks like OP is TA. Any advice for him?

Sources: Reddit
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