Man refuses to let mom bring 'ogre husband' and 'goblin child' to her mother's funeral.
When this man and his brother are disgusted with their mom and stepbrother in the wake of their grandmother's death, he asks Reddit:
'AITA for putting harsh conditions on my mother attending her own mother's funeral?'
I (M20) and my brother Maurice (M22) are in charge of my grandmother's estate. She left us everything and we are also organizing the funeral.When I was 14, my mother married Jacques.
He also has a son Henri (now 19). Henri was always a little sh&%. Especially because Jacques spoiled him endlessly and Henri would take every advantage. If myself or Maurice had something he wanted, he'd go to Jacques and then before long, it would belong to Henri. My mother had no spine when it came to standing up to Jacques and Henri knew it.
The big turning point came when Henri complained that my grandparents gave Maurice and I better presents than him. Which they did. They still got him something, but not as much and not as nice.
Jacques went to my mother, and my mother went to my grandfather and said that unless they can treat Henri as a full grandchild, that they won't have contact with us.
My grandfather was a good man, but stubborn as a mule. Stubborn enough to stand up to the Nazis as a mere boy, so he wasn't going to let anybody boss him around. He despised Jacques and also thought Henri was a spoiled little sh*&.
He said Henri is not his grandson and that he's never going to regard him as such. He will treat him respectfully, but he is not his grandson. So, my mother cut us off from our grandparents. Maurice and I secretly kept in contact with our grandparents until we moved out.
When Maurice was old enough, he moved to Strasbourg to live with them. I now live in Nantes while I go to university. Both of us have very little contact with out Mother.
However, over COVID, my grandfather died. Sadly, before I ever got to see him again due to my mother not allowing it. My grandmother told my mother that she broke my grandfather's heart by taking her grandson (me) away from her father to please her shitty ogre of a husband and his shitty runt of a child.
My mother was unwelcome at the funeral unless she was coming to apologize to her father before he went in the ground and that she better not dare bring Jacques and Henri. My mother hung up the phone and they never spoke again. My grandmother never forgave my mother for this.
Then last week, our grandmother passed. My mother heard about it and said she was coming to Strasbourg to manage the estate. Maurice told her that the estate had nothing to do with her. It was left solely to him and myself and she has no part of it. We could tell she was fuming, but held it in.
Then she asked about the funeral and I told her that I didn't think it was appropriate she come. She parted ways with my grandmother in life, so it is inappropriate for her to be standing there for her now that she's gone.
My mother said she wanted to make things right. I said fine, I do know one way where I think our grandparents would welcome her. Under my grandfather's terms. If she was coming to apologize and she can't bring her ogre of a husband and his goblin child. She started cursing us, we cursed her back and blocked her. AITA?
Let's see what internet users had to say.
frostyfamily writes:
ESH. People aren't going to like it because everyone loves to side with OP as long as it's plausible. Put simply the grandparents are kinda assholes for treating a step child as not there's at all.
It's their choice to treat them worse but it's also the moms choice to say 'if you don't accept my step child then I don't want to deal with you' and we all know that if the story was that you would all hate the grandparents.
Put simply nobody comes out here clean. Grandparents who treat their step child worse than their bio grandchildren to their face. Parents who ban their children from seeing their grandparents. Bad step dad and step sibling. And a woman is being pretty blocked from going to her parents funerals because she sticks up for her step kid.
shayjax writes:
YTA we constantly here in this particular sub Reddit how stepchildren should be treated the same as bio grand children and you should protect the child. Your mother did that and people are actually commenting to condemning her for protecting a child.
reallynah7 writes:
NTA. One of the first things she said was that she was coming down to manage the estate. Then she asked about the funeral. That is very telling.
And her comment about wanting to come and make it right? With who? She had ample time to make things right when her parents were alive and she didn't. She can't make things right with her parents if both of her parents are gone.