Man shuts down ex-wife's other ex who calls wanting 'stepdad' time with son.

Co-parenting with an ex is complicated when it's just the two of you coordinating logistics.

But it's a whole different animal when you're navigating each other's new partners, and even more confusingly, their other exes.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a man asked if he's wrong for telling his wife's second husband he can't see their son.

He wrote:

AITA for telling my son's 'stepdad' to stay away from my kid and leave me the f#$k alone?

My ex-wife and I had one son, Albert. When we split up, we both remarried. I remarried my current wife, and we have a daughter and a son. She remarried as well, and she had two sons. However, she ended up divorcing her husband and remarrying again and having another kid. So we'll call her second husband Carl and her current husband Dan.

Now here's the problem. Carl is my ex-wife's ex-husband. He is not related to my son. He's just Albert's former (emphasis on former) stepfather. Carl really wants to maintain a relationship with Albert, but apparently my ex told him to kick rocks and that the only kids he is entitled to see are his biological ones.

Carl eventually decided that since he wasn't making headway with my ex, that he would go through me. I shut that down. I hardly know Carl, and what little I do know of him irritates me. He told me he bonded with Albert and doesn't want him to have abandonment issues. I talked to Albert. He feels no abandonment issues and when I asked him if he missed Carl, he said no.

Carl said I am an insensitive AH. He asked me how I would feel if I was told I could never see one of my kids again. I said Albert isn't one of his kids, so stay away from him and leave me the f#$k alone. My wife said I was a little intense with my statement, and she kind of understands where Carl is coming from, because if we were ever to (God forbid) split up, she would miss Albert too.

I don't see how that is my problem. My ex is the one who married him, not me. He needs to talk to her. Apparently Dan hates Carl and that's why Carl can't see Albert, but why is that my issue? I feel no obligation to this man. Am I the AH for that?

People weighed in with all of the thoughts.

Aggressive_Cup8452 wrote:

NTA.

Your kid said no, so that's the end of it.

frubi86 wrote:

NTA.

What matters most it what Albert thinks. He doesn’t want a relationship with that guy so that’s all you need to know.

Malibu921 wrote:

NTA. Sorry Carl. I get where he’s coming from, hell I’d be devastated to not see my bf’s niblings if we ever split up, but…once ex said no and Albert said no….it’s a no.

Training-Fix-8103 wrote:

NTA - I might catch flack for this but it’s really uncommon for a temporary step parent to have this sort of attachment and instance on having a relationship. It was one thing for him to ask your ex, but to go “over her head” is a scary 🚩 I don’t trust men with children when they’re this pushy.

Vast_Lecture wrote:

Just reading over the comments here is making me stick to my guns of never being a step parent or dating a man with children. It’s heartless of some commenters to call a man that essentially was there for the formative years of a child.

My heart would break watching a child grow from 3 to 10 and be told I’m an ass for wanting to keep a bond. This man contributed to the child upbringing with time and money. There is no way you can tell me he didn’t do a drop off or buy clothes, toys, and other things. Yeah no. I will continue to not deal with people with children. It’s not worth the effort.

EnergyThat1518 wrote:

NTA. Sucks if he feels attached to your son, but your son doesn't feel the same way and that's what is important. You would be an AH if your son still wanted contact...but you've asked him and he said he's not that attached to Carl.

You and your ex-wife are both allowed to tell him to screw off. Sometimes you get attached to someone, they don't feel the same way, and you just have to deal with that in life. Carl may be attached, Albert isn't.

OP is NTA here, the situation just seems like it sucks all around.