There's nothing quite like the endless power struggle between exes who have a child together. Even the most amicable situations can escalate into conflict without clear agreements on who owes what.
In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a man asked if he was wrong to sign away a house to his ex despite his GF's protests. He wrote:
The mortgage is in her name but she put my name on the deed when our son was born. We were pretty much in agreement that it was her house. 4 years later, I keep our son on the weekends. Three months ago, BM lost her job. She had me sign a piece of paper that said, handwritten, “I no longer live at this address” because she can’t get public assistance unless she has proof we don’t live together.
My GF, who works in child support, says that she’s trying to put me on child support. BM had always said she’d never do that, but then my GF showed me the statues and I ran this by BM. She said she withdrew the application when she found out. Weeks later, BM says she can’t get mortgage assistance unless my name is off the deed. My GF says that something seems off.
I signed the docs anyway, but BM told me the sig wasn’t valid so we agreed to meet again to re-sign. The morning of, my GF says “i just got an email that a letter addressed to you from DSS is on its way.” I text BM. She says she got a call about it and was gonna tell me about it this evening, and says it’s probably just a notice, and that if she wanted me on it, she would've done it by now.
My GF says she’s BSing and explicitly tells me NOT to sign the deed over. Says that I need to file for 50/50 custody. Gf tells me to call DSS ASAP. GF texts me an hour later with a voice memo with a rep from public housing assistance saying I do NOT have to be off the deed for BM to get mortgage assistance. I call DSS back and find that BM deliberately went and submitted the child support application.
GF tells me to stop all contact with BM and that this is now a legal issue. But none of this was consistent with what I knew about BM. I called BM and she admitted to everything, but said she didn’t know about not having to have me off the deed. She said she is only using public assistance until next week, and then she is revoking the child support case.
None of that explained why she had to have me off the deed nor why she deliberately put in a child support application. I stated that because I don’t NEED to be off the deed, I will wait to sign it over. She hit me with “so now you’re trying to withhold my own house from me?” And knowing her, if I pissed her off by not signing it, she would keep me on child support permanently. I signed over the house.
My GF argued that I shouldn’t give up the only asset that may help pay off the child support one day. I asked my family and coworkers and they disagreed. Saying trusting her is my best option and that it’d be best to sign over the deed to keep the peace.
My GF said my BM controls me and that I am spineless and that I had no reason to give away the only asset I had. She even went all the way to say that she felt betrayed and that I chose to appease my BM over protecting our household finances. We have been fighting all weekend, but I genuinely felt like I did the morally right thing, as well as the only thing that’ll make BM drop the child support case.
Pay child support. This is not rocket science. Also, your girlfriend is going to be fired for accessing the records of the mother of your child for personal reasons. You sound sketchy af.
Government benefits in America often require child support in place. Sometimes this is done automatically, she really may not have intentionally done it. You had always agreed that the house was your exs (because she bought it, the mortgage is in her name, she pays it). She put your name on the deed but you still agreed it was really her house.
Ex probably can't get assistance because with your named attached they want to take your income in to the calculations. You aren't with your ex. Its not like your gonna pay her mortgage for her now is it. It does seem like you are trying to take her house from her You absolutely should take your name off the house if you feel its needed talk to a lawyer then do that.
But do it with the view of what's actually fair to your ex (whose house it is by you own agreement). You only have your kid on the weekend you should always have been paying child support. Ex lost her job. How do you think she is feeding and housing your kid? The child support will be more whilst she isn't working, but when she is working again, the amount can be adjusted.
Your GF can (and probably should) lose her job for calling you and telling you confidential info (confidential because the agency hadn't contacted you yet). She is way way too involved in your relationship your ex and is going to ruin your co-parenting relationship. She seems to have an agenda of her own. Why is she going through your mail?
She wants your ex's money, doesn't want you to support your child. Only wants you to go for 50/50 custody so you don't pay child support (bc kids usually cost more than to house and feed than the child support) how does she actually treat your kid?
YTA. For a start, get actual legal advice instead of signing random documents you don’t bother reading. And why is “being put on child support” such a terrible thing? Is it not your child? If so, you should be paying child support.
YTA. You are “put on child support” because you have a child to support. You agreed that it was her house, so signing the quitclaim was the right thing to do. Your child deserves to be supported by both parents. “Helping out” here and there isn’t enough.
You also should not seek 50-50 custody simply to avoid paying child support - it should be because you want to love, support and raise your child! If it’s not, pay the support and let his mom have full custody. Learn to put your child and his needs first. Most definitely, YTA.
NTA. It sounds like your ex fully funded the house payment, so you were right to sign over the deed, as you'd be an AH to try to steal half of a house you didn't pay into. She's also completely within her rights to get child support.
Your GF however is sharing private workplace information with you for your own benefit which is highly unethical. If your GF's job found out, she'd likely be terminated for unethical behavior. Your gf getting involved to this extent is understandable, but very inappropriate.
OP is TA for how he's handling supporting his child, but he's not TA for signing the house over, his current GF has some major red flags.